Cheer up in the countryside

Take the top-level study which exclusively revealed that exercise was good for you (tell that to the chronic asthmatic who can barely tie his shoelaces without covering them in phlegm); or the report which said continual eating was likely to cause obesity; and another which proclaimed that children respond positively to love and warmth in the family home.

And there I was thinking regular beatings and starvation would turn them into model citizens.

This week we have to contend with yet more inspired pontification after the charity Mind 'revealed' that walking in the countryside can not only reduce the effects of depression but also raise self-esteem.

The test was sheer genius. Take 20 guinea pigs, allow them to walk for 30 minutes in a country park and then transport them to an indoor shopping centre for another half an hour under the microscope.

After six months analysis of the data, leading experts came up with the following results.

After the rural stroll, 71 per cent reported decreased levels of depression and said they felt less tense, while 90 per cent reported increased self-esteem. Thank goodness for further education, eh?

But is this a level playing field? I think not. Stick these people in a field in between Bridgnorth and Ludlow and ask them to contact one person via their mobile phone and you will soon see the depression levels go through the roof.

No matter which operator you're with, there are more blackspots around the county than at an RNIB convention.

As for self-esteem, what can be worse than walking past chocolate box cottages that you have absolutely no chance of affording, or village schools which have had to close because the families only live in the vicinity at the weekend after a drive up from Kensington?

Crikey, by taking the depressed into the great outdoors for 'eco-therapy' we are more likely to be in danger of making them suicidal!

So what is happening to all the depressed people who already happen to live in the depths of the countryside? Should they be encouraged to walk around an inner city housing estate to realise that Lady Luck has actually been beaming down on them and it's high time they applied a smile to their glum faces?

Screaming

Would it not be therapeutic for them to head to Telford's indoor shopping centre and see the peace and tranquility they have become so accustomed to punctuated with screaming toddlers, ASBO-wannabes and the continual buzz of shop alarms?

Of course the countryside wouldn't be the countryside without a certain number of pitfalls. We have, after all, become well used to the woeful lack of efficient public transport, the gulf in Government funding between urban and rural areas, and the constant erosion of our green belt to meet incessant housing demand.

In fact, the more I think about it, the countryside can be a pretty depressing place without the need for more depressed people to be bussed in for their much-needed serotonin boost.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, whether you're chewing on anti-depressants or not. Those in the countryside love it just the way it is - with or without a mobile phone signal.

By Rural Affairs Editor Nathan Rous