Dan Morris: Pastry perfection is tonic to tales of our troubled times
Pie, pie, me oh my… Nothing tastes sweet, wet, salty and dry all at once, oh well it's pie. Apple! Pumpkin! Minced and wet bottom… I’ll come to your place everyday if you've got ‘em. Pie, me oh my, I love pie…
No, I’m not a country and western jingle writer, and no, I don’t typically sing to my food.
The above comes from the extremely underrated 1996 film, Michael, where Andie MacDowell very much was, and did.
And if the gorgeous scene where she serenades John Travolta et al with her beautiful ditty about pastry perfection doesn’t put you in the mood for a slice of homely goodness, the fact that this week has been British Pie Week surely should.
These days, it seems like there’s a National Awareness Week or Day for absolutely everything, and some subjects are much more deserving than others.
But, in the midst of a gruelling 2026 fitness drive, this week I’ve allowed my normally cynical arm to be twisted by my impatient and unsatisfied stomach, and have embraced the pie celebrations to the fullest.
Suffice to say, my inbox has been inundated over the last seven days with chefs and suchlike promoting their wares in honour of the occasion, and I quickly came to nickname the ever growing pile of attached photos ‘Operation Salivation’. Naturally, it’s been a very difficult week in terms of sticking to the health regime, and I won’t be so cruel as to push anyone else off the wagon by sharing the veritable plethora of mouth-watering snaps I’ve been graced with (well, ok, just the one). But, so as we can all enjoy a cheeky little British Pie Week takeaway together, I will impart a delightful tip for homemade pie perfection that came across my desk this Monday. That’s right people: culinary advice… I’m branching out in some truly fabulous ways…
As the home appliance wizards at Philips saw fit to remind us, unless you’re an experienced pastry chef, getting a crisp, golden crust can be a challenge. To help us all avoid the dreaded soggy bottom this Pie Week, one of their specialist in-house airfryer chefs has revealed a, and I quote, “household staple” that can transform our pie-making capabilities and turn us all into nothing less than the Thors, Iron Men and Wonder Women of the power pastry world.
Chef Martin Senders said: “One of the best hacks for achieving a crisp and golden pie crust is to add a handful of finely ground almonds to your pastry dough. This magic ingredient absorbs excess moisture while adding a subtle nuttiness, ensuring a perfectly baked base every time.
“You can also enhance the texture further by using a small amount of cornstarch in the filling, which helps prevent excess liquid from seeping into the crust during baking.” There you go… The seminal first time that Dan Morris has ever passed on a pearl of cookery wisdom, and no doubt the last. But hey, you’ve got to change lanes every once in a while. I’m not sure how much of a ‘household staple’ ground almonds are – they certainly aren’t a regular fixture in my pantry. But since my larder is typically populated by pop tarts and pizza parlour menus, I’m not the yardstick we should be using here. Grandma on the other hand – God rest her soul – was a sorceress in the kitchen, and would doubtlessly have had an even better hack than Senders for that perfect pie crust. She could certainly do pork crackling better than anyone on the planet, and her battered chops were out of this world. Writing that last sentence down, it occurs to me for the first time that there may be a reason for my insatiable love of dirty tucker.
The truth is, while I perhaps wouldn’t normally have given something like British Pie Week much personal thought, with the wealth of alarming international developments and news stories this week, it has been nice to have something a little lighter to focus on in my private time. As journalists, our job is the news. That doesn’t stop it being frightening, and sometimes a big slice of pie and reflections on lovely memories of your Gran are the only tonic.
In these turbulent times it is important for all of us to have calming touchstones, no matter how frivolous or silly they might feel. Security blankets come in all shapes and sizes – there’s nothing wrong with any of them. And if you are nervous about the current state of the global playing field, and really can’t shake the situation from your thoughts, I’d be welcome to break my word and start dishing out the golden culinary gems again. If Grandma’s battered chop recipe can’t make you smile, trust me, nothing can…
