Landon Donovan helps block out vevezula din

Not tonight darling I've got a headache. Now I am doing my best to keep up with this World Cup but if they don't put the boot in with those horns then, never mind England, I am never going to make it past the group stages.

And why can't anyone but us football widows seem to hear it.

I begged my husband to mute the games this weekend - literally on hands and knees at the agony of what must be deemed torture in some parts of the world - but he can't see what the problem is.

He is obliviously adding to the intense irritating noise levels in our living room with his chants and derisory comments to the ref while I am trying to stop my ears from bleeding profusely by finding the bug spray to kill what can only be the angriest swarm of bees I've ever heard.

Now at the beginning of this experiment I thought the findings would depend on whether I would trade a night out for cocktails with the girls for a game of footie without a second thought.

But now I have decided I will only know how this has worked when I don't hear horns anymore (or to those who have already discovered that state of bliss and know what they are talking about - vuvuzelas).

I am convinced it is actually a conspiracy by football fans to weed out those not truly devoted to their beautiful game.

That or after years of listening to that hideous form of cheering they are all suffering from selective deafness - the kind that doesn't hear the baby crying either while England is playing.

And talking of England - they need to pick it up a little if I am ever going to get through this. I really need them to go all the way otherwise it is going to be a very long month.

Although I may be the only one grateful to goalie Rob Green today. His howler on Saturday has created a great "will he won't he" cliffhanger on whether Fabio will put him back in.

I almost feel like we could cue the EastEnders "duff duff duff". I secretly knew it was all one big soap opera.

But like any good soap fan I have a back-up in case the story-lines on my favourite dry up.

Firstly, I drew Germany in the office sweep. Now he who knows - my husband - tells me that admitting you are backing Germany is almost as bad as saying it's just a game to a true fan but needs must.

I mean they did kind of show how's it done last night. For possibly the first time this weekend I wasn't thinking about what I was missing on the other channel every second minute and I don't even know any of German players names yet.

It's not a bad buzz to think you might have picked a winner so starting to get an idea of what it could be like if England starting delivering the same kind of addictive feel-good play on the pitch.

But even if I they do, for now I am still following the advice of the make-up lady at the BBC who reminded me there's always the eye candy.

My man of the match on that one - Landon Donovan of the USA. Got to have something to try and take my mind of those vevezulas.