'When tea leaves and crystal balls decide the nation’s finances' - Your Letters plus a Battle of Britain legend pictured at Weston Park in 1987

Britain’s Budget crystal ball

It is well known that Hitler and his henchmen were into things psychic and similar mumbo-jumbo as in: "The stars are aligned. We shall invade Russia."

Of late, many who were previously unaware, have discovered that Britain has a whole Department full of Mystic Megs toiling night and day looking at clouded expensive crystal balls in an attempt to guide the nation through economic storms,

This goes to the heart of the ups and downs leaked in the press as to what might be included in the budget. Crystal balls are notoriously misleading dependent on quality or whether they have been adequately wiped clean etc

Rachel, the ex B of E Tea Lady adds to the problem by asking that tea leaves also be read. So it was then that Rach believed that there was a £20 billion plus black hole to be filled by tax rises. Later, The Office For Budget Responsibility reckoned that the runes had been read and that in fact far from a hole she had a few billion for 'headroom.'

And what is ' headroom' you may ask? Well it's a contingency just in case something not forecast by the OBR happens eg Brum is totally obliterated by a Russian missile strike and then for some strange reason, the city is rebuilt.

In the event, The Tea Lady ignored The OBR because in reality, she knew all along there was no black hole but that she needed the cash to chuck at those not in work but who needed new giant TV sets, super mobile phones and X Boxes for the kids thereby keeping the bulk of her whinging MPs happy.