My instructions on how to vote on this big day

It's polling day, they are informing you. People are going out to vote. Cue shots of voters/politicians/political leaders entering polling stations.

The reason for this stilted coverage is that strict broadcasting rules apply which mean they can only report bare facts, as opposed to bare lies during the political campaigning.

After pondering how this column should respond to these restrictions, my considered view is this: Stuff that for a game of soldiers. Neal's wading in!

Accordingly I shall be issuing my instructions on how you should vote at the foot of this column.

You will be disappointed to learn that I will not be thrown in jail for this. The rules only apply to television and radio, probably because they are more expert at brainwashing people than newspapers .

But let's go back to the start of the campaign for a moment and something that amazed me.

Cast your mind back to April 23, when almost 1,000 people joined a march in Telford to protest against any cuts to services at the Princess Royal Hospital. The one-mile march was from Walker Street in Wellington to the Charlton School.

At the end of the march the walkers may have expected there to be a rally with rousing speeches from local politicians and campaigners. But there wasn't one and there weren't any.

From what I can gather, councillors weren't even allowed to pick up a microphone.

Why not? It was because the general election had just been called, and the march ended on council property.

The Telford & Wrekin Council spokesman Russell Griffin explained to me at the time: "We are in purdah and the pre-election protocol ahead of the general election.

"We are simply not allowed to use, or let council resources including buildings owned by us to be used, for political purposes. The councillors could attend the march, but the moment they pick up a microphone and start broadcasting their message in relation to it, it is not fine."

Rules about the use of council buildings and resources cannot always have been so strict. I remember years ago going to a public election meeting held in a council-owned Telford school. I won't say how many years ago, but if I say that I think Harold Wilson was PM at the time, you'll have an idea.

Anyway, enough of this, and let's get down to the important business of me instructing you on how to vote today.

Here goes:

Step one: Enter polling booth.

Step two: Pick up pencil (supplied).

Step three: Insert cross in designated space by name of your chosen candidate.

Step four: Put ballot paper in ballot box (supplied).

Step five: Leave polling station and go home to watch telly.