Be strong and reject chaos on this May Day
What sort of day have you had? Is it an Ed Balls Day?
You may not have heard of it. Or you may not have heard of him.
Ed Balls Day is, or rather was, April 28, and Ed Balls is a politician-turned dancer-turned politician and general television personality.
The "traditional" day, which on Friday marked its sixth anniversary, celebrates a foul-up (there is surely no other way to describe it) by Mr Balls on social media.
Apparently he tweeted his own name on Twitter, which is some sort of internet gaffe.
Personally, I don't really get it, but then I'm not a Twitter person, preferring parchment, quill, and ink.
Nevertheless, if the former Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer can have a day named after him, the general election campaign, which is going to be long and boring, could be livened up by having a series of "days" in honour of certain politicians.
Starting with today. May Day. Your response to any question today will be that what is required, in any situation whatsoever, is strong and stable leadership.
If it is suggested than anybody else - other than you - has the ability to do something, like the washing up, you must declare that that would be "a coalition of chaos."
It will enter the language before you know it.
Boris Johnson Day could be great fun. Ruffle up your hair and starting speaking in the strange language of mugwumps and using some of his more memorable quotes, such as, when he was sacked: "My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."
John Redwood Day? Easy. You would just need to look a bit other-worldly.
Nigel Farage Day is spent at the pub, obviously.
There will be that day which is marked by eating hard, yet buttery, mints, which I don't think you can get any more. They were made in Britain. I'll leave you to work out who that day will honour.
As for Jeremy Corbyn, if he does as badly on June 8 as all the pollsters are predicting, then his day will come shortly after the election.
And it might not be very pretty.
