Clarke Carlisle recalls alcoholism battle as he urges those in need to seek help

Former professional footballer Clarke Carlisle has told how he became suicidal during a struggle with alcoholism.

Carlisle, 46, played for Queens Park Rangers, Leeds United, and Burnley during a professional football career which spanned 17 years.

The defender later became chairman of the Professional Footballers’ Association, but struggled with alcoholism and gambling and made two attempts on his life over a 13-year period.

Speaking on podcast episode Listen Up, made by Abbeycare, one of the UK’s leading residential rehabilitation centres, he said as a child he was “anchored in external validation” from his father, and later depended on approval from managers and fans, using alcohol as a release.

Carlisle attended a rehab session at St Mirren FC’s stadium in Paisley, Renfrewshire, and spoke on the podcast while visiting Scotland.

The football prodigy, who won three caps for the England under-21 national team, recalled that “everything was tied into football” and his sense of self-worth was dependent on performance on the pitch.

Carlisle, from Preston in Lancashire, said: “If I played well then I was a good human and I was allowed to smile, and I could go home and be nice to my family.

“If I played poorly, I was a bad human.”

In 2001 he suffered a knee injury and recalled having only one day sober per week over more than a month, drinking a crate of beer and two bottles of wine per day he ordered to his home, and chain-smoking.

Carlisle said: “I sat on a futon and drank myself into oblivion. I placed that order probably six days a week for a five-week period.”

He said around this time he attempted to take his own life, but recovered from the injury and continued playing football for 12 years.

After retiring in 2013, he said he went through “the longest and deepest depressive episode of my life”.

He made another attempt on his life in 2014, and spent six weeks in hospital after being hit by a lorry, suffering a shattered knee and internal bleeding.

Carlisle said he lived with the notion that “without football I was no-one”, and felt he was “an abject failure without football”, which was compounded by being identified and asked by a stranger: “Didn’t you used to be Clarke Carlisle?”

After staying at Blackburn Psychiatric Hospital he was introduced to cognitive analytic therapy, and began to regain control.

Carlisle, who is married and has three children from previous relationships, advised others struggling with mental health to seek professional help.

He said: “There are literally thousands of people who are qualified and trained to be invested in your wellness.

“What they are going to do is hear you, and guide you on the pathway to your potential solution. Go there first.”

The ex-footballer spoke to Eddie Clarke, outreach manager at Abbeycare, who praised Carlisle’s willingness to open us about addiction.

Mr Clarke, who hosts the podcast, said: “Clarke’s story shows the devastating impact that unaddressed addiction issues can have, even on those who are outwardly successful and widely admired.

“As he said himself during our interview, he is extremely lucky to be alive to tell people about his experiences, and we are very grateful that he has.

“His willingness to share these deeply personal moments will help others struggling to understand that they are not alone, and that recovery is possible.

“Given the level of harm that addiction is causing across the UK, it’s more important than ever that we talk honestly about it.”

Carlisle has recently taken up a new post as business development executive at Betknowmore, a charity supporting gambling addicts.

Samaritans offers support and advice for anyone finding life difficult, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The charity can be contacted for free on 116 123, by email at jo@samaritans.org, or visit samaritans.org.