Peter Rhodes: Gunpowder, treason and nonsense

IN the finest traditions of TV drama, Gunpowder (BBC1) casts the British Establishment as the villains. Let's boo and hiss at nasty, scheming Lord Cecil (Mark Gatiss), but empathise with the handsome young conspirators with designer stubble and cool big hats. In reality the Gunpowder plotters were a swivel-eyed bunch of religious maniacs who believed God wanted them to commit mass murder by blowing up half of Westminster. Catesby, Fawkes and their pals were not romantic heroes. They were the predecessors of the sort of lunatics who set off bombs in the London Underground and Manchester Arena.

BUT why let the facts get in the way of a ripping yarn? The most distressing scene in Gunpowder was the execution of Lady Dorothy Dibdale which required the 57-year-old actress Sian Webber to strip naked before being crushed under weights. You can argue that such grisly and obscene detail is vital to tell the true story. Yet the truth is there was no such historical character as Lady Dorothy. She was created for the series, presumably to crank up the gore level. Oh, and dashing Robert Catesby (Kit Harington ) did not break into the Tower of London to rescue Father Gerard. Nor did he have a pub swordfight with his tormenter Sir William Wade. This was not so much history as Guy Fawkes meets the Three Musketeers. Gunpowder, treason and rot.

DOES any of this matter? Of course it does. As I noted recently, these days people get their history from movies and the telly. Once fiction triumphs, knowledge decays.

FOR as long as I can remember, the Co-Op Bank has sent me a credit-card statement each month and I have sent them a cheque in the addressed envelope provided. But this month there's no envelope. The leaflet explains brightly: "You said - we listened! In our quest towards a paperless future, we will no longer be including a payment return envelope." I never voted for this and I don't see how having to provide my own envelope makes the world any more paperless. Most of us joined the Co-Op because we thought it was a bit different and a bit better than other banks. The "You said - we listened!" gambit is the typical PR cobblers that all the others use. Disappointing.

THE Army is rumoured to be relaxing its zero-tolerance approach to drugs during recruit training. Rookies who fail a drugs test will be given another chance. While the harrumpher in me fears the Army is going to hell in a handcart, the pragmatist in me recalls that the First World War was fought through a haze of rum, the Battle of Britain pilots were notorious binge-drinkers and amphetamines or "wake up" pills were routinely given to troops in the Second World War. The Army's zero-tolerance policy is a classic case of a poacher turned gamekeeper. A second chance is common humanity and common sense.

INCIDENTALLY, in the First World War the army-issue bottles of rum were stamped SRD for Supply Reserve Depot. But as so much of the rum seemed to vanish between headquarters and the front line, the Tommies reckoned it stood for "Seldom Reaches Destination."