It's the Swedish feeling as Brexit talks loom

All together now.

Du gamla, Du fria, Du fjällhöga nord

Du tysta, Du glädjerika sköna!

It is the Swedish national anthem and we might as well all learn it in preparation for the Brexit negotiations.

Yanis Varoufakis, the former Greek finance minister, who knows what he is talking about as he spent months embroiled in bailout talks as his country's economy tottered, says the standard response of EU negotiators to reasonable and moderate proposals which they don't like is to look blank, as if the Swedish national anthem is being sung to them.

They will stonewall, hardball, move the goalposts, and if necessary grow lots of long grass to kick things into.

Despite having a democratic anti-austerity mandate, the Greek government, which was in a very weak position, was battered into submission and knuckled under.

It would be nice if the English translation of what will be our Brexit anthem was somehow appropriate, rhyming Juncker with plonker, and that sort of thing.

Alas, it does nothing to address the issues (it starts "Thou ancient, Thou free, Thou mountainous north, I greet thee, loveliest land upon earth," and carries on in much the same vein).

However, do not bother with learning the English translation. According to the European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker, "Slowly but surely, English is losing importance."

So, in one of his little playground provocations to rile the Brits, he made a speech yesterday in French instead.

What have we learned this week?

It is seven days in which the atmosphere has soured suddenly and dramatically.

We have learned, or rather been reminded, that Juncker is a buffoon who leaks like a sieve.

We have learned that despite Britain being the second largest net contributor to the EU, the brasshats in Brussels are adopting an approach to the talks in which they think we should be treated much as Greece was, and made to pay both literally, and figuratively, for leaving their club.

A realisation is dawning too. If this is going to be the spirit in which the talks are conducted, then it is entirely possible that there will be no agreement within the timescale of 18 months or so, or that the talks will break down entirely.

In the wake of Dinnergate, the EU side has been briefing to that effect - that the talks may fail even before they have begun.

For instance, they have expressed disbelief that the British side thought that a deal guaranteeing the rights of EU citizens in the UK, and UK citizens in the EU, could be forged before the end of June.

Not much has been made of this claim, the intention of which is obviously to demonstrate alleged British naivety. But if the EU cannot agree quickly an issue on which there is already much goodwill and common ground, heaven help us when we get to the really tricky areas.

We have further learned that in outer space, all perspectives depend on where you are standing, and where you are "coming from."

So, after his dinner with Theresa May, Juncker is reported to have said that the British are living on a different galaxy, are deluded, and that he left 10 times more sceptical than when he arrived.

If Britain is on a different galaxy to Mr Juncker, then it follows that from Britain's perspective he too is on a different galaxy.

And it appears that he arrived at Downing Street deluded to the factor of 10 about Britain's negotiating position, and left a wiser man.

From the domestic British political outlook, the antics of Juncker are a serious obstacle to reasonable and considered debate over what sort of Brexit should be sought.

Pro-EU politicians in the UK who want a softer Brexit are ill-served by an official who appears to be programmed to get British backs up, who is on a different planet to Britain, and is so needlessly tactless and indiscreet that he caused Theresa May to detonate spectacularly outside Downing Street.

This week we also had an introduction to another grey-haired man in a suit who we are all going to hear much more of in coming months.

His name is Michael Barnier and he is the EU chief negotiator.

He seemed a charming chap when he went on the telly to outline where the EU stands on Brexit.

He is not threatening to punish us or anything like that, but says he wants to extract a lot of money from us all - the figure being bandied around is about £1,540 from every British man, woman, and child - and we have no choice but to pay up. This is, he says, money we have agreed to pay, and it is incontestable that we owe it, although he didn't provide his working out on that point.

Barnier has a reputation of being a tough and skilled negotiator. This poor gentleman is not to be feared, but to be pitied, because Britain's problem in the talks is not going to be that the EU side are agile and adept negotiators - it is going to be that negotiating with the EU is like negotiating with a supertanker with 27 different captains on the bridge, each with the own little pet agendas.

It is a decision-making system which favours inertia.

It will probably take three hours at each Brexit negotiation meeting to reach agreement on what sort of sandwiches to have at the tea break.

The negotiations should be streamed live on the internet. They would prove perversely entertaining.

Who should lead the British side of the negotiations? I give you... Andrew Neil. Yep, the TV political chap. He has a perfect mastery of his brief, which scares politicians, and behind his smile there is steel.

Jag hälsar Dig, vänaste land uppå jord,

Din sol, Din himmel, Dina ängder gröna.

There. We've finished learning the first verse.