'Budget Airbnb' vibes and Domino's arguments feature in frustrated Telford homeowner's hilarious sales pitch
If you're bored of the same old estate agent patter then this hilarious listing by a Telford homeowner is right up your street.
Lewis Harper is trying to sell 12 Parkes Court in Lawley, and his frustration at the pace of interest resulted in him drawing up his own unusual, entertaining sales pitch.
While Lawley has plenty to delight potential homeowners, Lewis's sideways review of the top-floor flat gives a wry look at what prospective buyers can expect for their £142,000 - be it the car park entertainment or the free workout on offer - as well as a comment on the current state of mortgages that'll have you laughing - before you realise it's true.
In a follow-up to his unsuccessful first pitch last month he said: "STILL FOR SALE – 12 Parkes Court – £142,500 (Yes, still… apparently people don’t want affordable cardio and passive heating anymore).
"There’s loads to love about this place. Honestly, maybe too much, maybe that’s the problem. People can’t handle greatness.
"You’ve got views for days. On a clear one, you can see all the way out to the Wrekin. Sit on the balcony in the evening and watch the sun drop behind it like you’re in a budget Airbnb ad.
"And if that’s not enough entertainment, you can also enjoy front-row seats to couples arguing in the car park as they wait for their Domino’s.
"It’s like live theatre, but with garlic and herb dip.
"Someone once said they were put off by the steps because they’re worried about living here when they’re old.
"I get it, but the good news is there’s a care home across the road, and a funeral directors next door to that. It’s basically full circle living. One postcode. No fuss.
"And if you happen to be training for HYROX like me, this place is basically a bonus training ground. Do the food shop, walk the 400m from the car park, then tackle the 42 steps to the door, boom, you’ve just completed stations 6 and 7. No sled required.
"Still £142,500. If you haven’t got the cash your bank probably will take pity and help you spread the cost over three decades.
"Come take a look. Or tell a mate. I can’t keep working this hard to sell a flat."
If Lewis's pitch has you intrigued you can find a more conventional description in the listing on rightmove.
