Pizza Express, Shrewsbury

While on the look out for a fast feed, our reviewer

was left disappointed.

Reviewing restaurants that are part of a national chain is quite unlike writing about the independently-owned eateries that populate Shropshire's towns and villages.

A few minor details may differ from town to town, particularly relating to service, but, in essence, if you're eating in a chain, it won't matter whether you were dining in Shrewsbury, Uttoxeter or Ayrshire.

You're going to get pretty much the same food and ambience wherever you eat.

Pizza Express, in Shrewsbury, is much the same as Pizza Express in Birmingham, London and just about anywhere else.

It offers a quasi-Italian dining experience that, in truth, has about as much to do with Italy as a kangaroo.

The concept is king: it's all about good value, zippy food, brisk service and giving diners a faux Mediterranean experience.

Authenticity doesn't get a look in as uniformed staff chivvy between tables, ferrying fizzy drinks and Italian beers, wipe-clean menus and towering bowls of ice cream submerged beneath sugary sauce.

The business was founded in 1965 by Peter Boizot and there are presently more than 300 around the UK, in addition to eateries in Ireland, Spain and France.

In 2007, the company was valued at a whopping £900 million.

My latest visit to Pizza Express came during an evening service, when the restaurant appeared to be reasonably quiet.

I've eaten there before, usually when I've been in search of convenience, rather than gastronomic excitement, and it's been good enough to warrant return visits.

On this occasion, the service was prompt - though perhaps a little too domineering.

I was ushered to a seat by a hard-pressed member of staff; the experience was reminiscent of being sat down by a reasonably-strict teacher who had a class of 35 other students to deal with and would come to me later.

If I wanted an instant hit of pomodoro and mozzarella, I'd clearly have to wait: the uber-waiter had more important matters to attend to.

Eventually, our order was taken for garlic bread and dough balls, followed by pizzas and side salads.

We made no plans for dessert: I've experienced the calorific indulgence that is Pizza Express pudding before and still can't shake the protuberance that was added to my belly.

When Boizot opened his first restaurant, no doubt he did so with a view to offering people the same sort of thrilling-quick experience on offer in eateries from Sicily to Lazio or from Rome to Milan. The word 'Express' appeared above the shop front for a reason.

These days, however, it would seem more fitting if the name of the business were modified to something more accurate, like, for instance: Pizza Anticipation, or Pizza Express (If You're Lucky); my favourite alternative moniker is this: Stick Around For A While And We'll Bring You A Pizza, Providing There's Enough Staff And The Restaurant Isn't Too Busy - If It Is You'll Still Get Your Pizza But Not Before An Interminable Wait. The last part of the title would be in smaller type, of course.

No, on second thoughts, forget that last one: it would cost too much for all those blue neon signs. And the local planning department probably wouldn't approve.

There's a trick to eating at Pizza Express, which has been perfected over the years by bar-savvy customers at particularly busy pubs. The trick is to capture the attention of the waiter/waitress to make sure you get served before the marauding hordes.

I'm thinking about taking a bouquet of flowers the next time I go and giving them to a waitress when I enter, in the hope that it marks me out as the sort of nice guy who's worth waiting on.

However, failure to get the waiter/waitress onside from the off means that you may have nothing to do but wait . . . which is what happened to me.

Oh yes, you'll want to know about the food. The food was fine, without being memorable, though by the time it arrived my appetite had waned.

The goat's cheese with caramelised onion was particularly good, the la reine pizza, which featured prosciutto, ham, olives and mushrooms, was bland, while the salad was dull.

Pizza Express? C'mon, you're having a giraffe.

ADDRESS

Pizza Express, 55 Mardol, Shrewsbury, Shropshire, SY1 1PP

Telephone: 01743 354647