TV review: The Intern
Last night's opening episode of The Intern proved to be yet another effort by Channel 4 to plumb the depths of mundane programming in its bid to document literally every trivial subject possible, regardless of taste, relevance or entertainment value.
Striking an awkward balance of one part Beadle's About to two parts Apprentice, it dangled the opportunity to gain a place as a trainee manager at a five star hotel to youngsters who otherwise wouldn't get a second look.
In the process, three young adults had to navigate through situations involving actors so wooden, they were presumably shepherded to Ikea and sold as modular furniture after their turn in front of the camera.
On hand to guide the contestants through the process and offer sage-like truisms about the difficulties of 'real life' was Dragons' Den veteran and businesswoman, Hilary Devey.
"Failure's not an option!" she intones. Well, that's all well and good but that line sums up the entire show: a veneer of go-getting that skirts around and rather avoids any genuine substance.
Looking increasingly like a Lhasa Apso that's been dip dyed in a vat of matte black paint, Hilary Devey wants to catapult one of three interns – Taelre, Princess or Georgia – into a career; on the surface at least, it's all very honourable.
The problem is the caveat that this process is as useful as moving a handful of sand at a time and dumping it in the Bullring.
Sure, you could argue (like the makers no doubt would) that a slow process begins with one single grain of sand.
However, the chances of normal youngsters without specific degrees and months of unpaid experience being given opportunities at top businesses is as likely as Birmingham adding the prefix 'Costa del' to its name and rebranding itself as a coastal retreat.
We're all aware of this format by now: match something people are eager to gain and dangle the vain hope of attainment in front of them like a Werther's Original in front of an OAP. Make them jump up and down for the cameras and then laugh when they break a hip.
My problem with The Intern is that it's precisely the kind of show that trades in unhealthy schadenfreude by inviting you to laugh at the contestants.
Take for example Georgia who had to navigate between two actors playing out a scene from a midday soap: a wife wants to see her husband, he's just scuttled a girl out a side door.
Stuck in the middle is a 22 year-old, her ability to lie on the spot, or rather, her 'discretion' apparently the only thing being judged. The same level of adroit deceit was all we really learned about the hotel business – if you can lie convincingly, you're doing it right.
Even more distasteful with this show is that despite all the torment they couldn't even wring any awkward humour from it all – it just left a bitter taste of exploitation.
Sure, Georgia got offered a job off the back of the trials, but what about Princess and Taelre? Surely we're getting to the tail-end of these shows that throw away failed contestants with just a pat on the head.
We could have had a programme that showed genuine interest in helping people into decent careers, what we got was yet another reality show that traded in the cheapest form of entertainment.
If I was an unemployed 18-year-old watching this show, I'd give up all hope, sign onto the dole, vacuum seal myself into a onesie and have a ribald toast to the health of George Osborne.
Robert James Taylor
