Peter Rhodes: No-one should die in a storm

AMERICA has its stern bald eagle, France its cocky cockerel and India its gorgeous peacock. But Britain doesn't have a national bird to reflect our national character and we are being invited to choose one from a shortlist of 10. My heart says the blackbird for its glorious song, or the wren for being such a plucky little chap. But my head says the robin, symbol of eternal brightness in the grimmest weather. Or possibly the barn owl which, like so many of us Brits, looks much cleverer than it actually is.

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THE authorities in Vanuatu, as in so many cyclone zones, seem to have allowed the place to be built largely of wood, polythene, corrugated iron and wishful thinking. Let's hope the supplies sent to the stricken islands will include plenty of concrete. In the 21^st century there is no need for anyone to die in a storm.

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THE new 9ft bronze statue of Gandhi in London is magnificent. But not everyone thinks he was a saint. If I had to make a list of statues likely to be vandalised this one, sadly, would be right at the top.

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ONE of the first things you learn in journalism is the list of golden rules of defamation, one of which is never to question a woman's chastity even if (as my old libel lecturer put it) "she is the worst old slapper in town." But even golden rules don't last for ever. Dr Brooke Magnanti, better known as Belle de Jour, made a fortune writing about her experiences as a call girl. She is reportedly suing a former boyfriend after he allegedly claimed she was not on the game when he knew her. It is believed to be the first time a woman has claimed she was defamed by the suggestion that she was not a prostitute. Never thought I'd see that.

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ACCORDING to figures released this week, Birmingham's new library was among the top ten visitor attractions in Britain last year. But returning a library book hardly counts as tourism, does it? If they spread the net this widely I wouldn't mind betting that the most visited British attraction by far is the NHS.

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THE food writer and TV critic A A Gill has leaped to the defence of his embattled friend, Jeremy Clarkson, calling him hard-working and witty. This, lest we forget, is the same A A Gill who in Africa in 2009 shot a baboon, and outraged thousands of animal lover,s because: "I wanted to get a sense of what it might be like to kill someone, a stranger." Some character witness.

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A SCHOOL in Wiltshire is being investigated by Ofsted after parents complained their children have been "harmed" and "humiliated." The head teacher allegedly told the kids to lie face-down on the floor while she phoned God on her mobile (it is an RC school) to tell Him they had been naughty. If these were timid little five-year-olds it might have been a bit of an ordeal. But the kids were aged 11, on the threshold of big school, and surely old enough to know it was not a serious phone call to the Almighty. If this had happened in my old school when we were 11, we would have regarded it as a bit of a laugh and further proof, if proof were needed, that teachers are bonkers. Harm? Humiliation? Oh, for God's sake.

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INCIDENTALLY, does anyone have God's telephone number? I believe the Pope is still on Vat 69.