Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes on alibis for all, self-driving cars and a good idea from Brussels

Making the incredible credible.

Published
Alibis while you wait

BRITAIN is the third most obese nation in a study of 53 European nations. Come on, folks. We can do better than that. One more big effort, one more crate of pasties per household. We can be number one in no time.

NO. I didn't know there were 53 nations in Europe either.

MORE on the controversial online test which calculates your heart age compared to your actual age. A reader writes: "Did the test today. Apparently my heart will be getting a card from the Queen later this week."

ISN'T it typical that just as we are about to leave Monsieur Barnier's Red Tape Factory, it comes up with a good idea, namely ending the ridiculous practice of putting the clocks backwards or forwards every six months? It takes me precisely five months and 29 days to forget how to adjust my car clock.

TODAY, I am proud to launch a new service: Alibis-R-Us. As you may have noticed I was 48 hours ahead of the Two Dodgy Russians when it came to explaining what they were doing in Salisbury over the weekend in March when the Skripals were poisoned with Novichok. I wrote last week that they were probably great admirers of Salisbury Cathedral. I suggested, too, they might have had problems with the weekend train timetables. Interviewed in Russia, that's exactly the account Messrs Petrov and Boshirov delivered. I can only assume they read my column online and decided it was the best explanation they were likely to find. Remember the name. Alibis-R-Us. We make the incredible credible. Sort of.

WHAT'S to be done in response to the Salisbury incident? Could the West impose more sanctions? Snag is, despite all their fine words, our great EU buddies in Europe can't wait for existing sanctions on Russia to be scrapped. They may make all the right outraged noises now but in the longer term, are they really going to let a little thing like murder get in the way of buying Putin's cheap gas and keeping order in their countries? Warm citizens are contented citizens.

IF you thought self-driving cars were just around the corner, listen to Blackberry boss John Chen. He explained on Radio 4 that these vehicles have more lines of computer code than a fighter jet and, like any connected computer, can be hacked. He didn't go into details but you can't help wondering who is actually driving the car, if it isn't the driver and it isn't the onboard computer. It might just be a 13-year-old geek in his bedroom on the other side of the world. You think you're just popping down to the shops? Think again....

ON the third day, Justin saith: "Trust not the thing that is called Amazon for it rendereth not its taxes and is an abomination unto my sight." But, lo, on the fourth day the Church accountants saith: "It might be an abomination unto thee, Justin, but it is a nice little earner and verily, business is business."