What's it all about, Alfie?

He looks like a little boy himself and at 13 he still is. But little Alfie Patten, who is just four feet tall, has the weight of the world on his shoulders after becoming a dad to baby Maisie, writes blogger Sue Austin.

We all know that children grow up early and that many teenagers are physically much more mature than they were even 10 years ago.

But it's when you see a photo of Alfie, with his huge dark eyes, pixie haircut and slightly bemused look as the tabloid photographer snaps him with his daughter, that his age really hits you.

Neighbours in the Eastbourne suburb where he lives describe him as a "really nice boy"and in another photo of him gently cradling Maisie and giving her a bottle he looks just that. But it should be a picture of a big brother besotted with his baby sister not a proud dad with his daughter.

He has spent long hours at the hospital with Maisie and her mum, 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman. The pregnancy followed Alfie's first sexual experience and he admits crying when told Chantelle was pregnant and having no idea how they will cope financially.

It is a story that has shocked the country and people have been quick to judge, condemning everyone from the youngsters themselves to their parents and the schools for not teaching them about contraception.

Yet schools can't do right for doing wrong. No doubt Shropshire's excellent CHAT service, which gives advice to teenagers in secondary schools runs a condom distribution service, will receive just as much condemnation.

But 15-year-old girls have been getting pregnant for generations.

Think back to schooldays and there was always one girl who had to leave school before the end of the last year. The term gymslip mums was coined many, many years ago!

One mum I know very well was pregnant at 15, married her boyfriend, the father, at 16 and they had two more children by the time she was 21. They were great parents as the kids were growing up and they still are, their three, now grown-up children and lovely granddaughter a credit to them.

Generations before mine hushed up schoolgirl pregnancies.

How many youngsters were sent to homes for young mothers to have their babies and were then pressured into giving them up for adoption? Other families brought up a young girl's baby as her brother or sister.

At least in today's society there are real choices available, for not only young people, but everyone else who finds themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy.

These include bringing up the baby yourself with the help of supportive parents and extended families, as it seems Alfie and Chantelle will have.

There are also some excellent projects allowing kids to return to their studies and get vital parenting support and advice. Wrexham's maternity service for example has won awards for its work with young mothers while Oswestry's Sure Start helps lots of young couples. It even has a special dads' breakfast club which helps fathers – not as young as Alfie but young nevertheless – understand their responsibilities and, importantly, enjoy being a parent.

Shropshire's CHAT service is a multi-agency service that takes help and advice into secondary schools in the county. This includes advice on a whole range of problems including bullying, stress, family relationships, substance abuse – alcohol and smoking – and general health advice including sexual health.

In some schools, with the green light from governors, it also offers a confidential condom distribution.

Before you hold your hands up in horror at the thought of condoms being handed out to all and sundry it doesn't work like that.

Contraception will only be handed over in very, very few cases, and after expert counselling.

Surely the youngsters who are brave enough to seek help from CHAT over contraception should be applauded for their maturity not their immaturity.

It is also reassuring to discover that of the youngsters who use the CHAT service, the main problem seemingly facing teenagers is not under-age sex – but spots.

Returning to Alfie, Chantelle and baby Maisie, one quote in the national reports worried me more than the others – that Alfie regularly slept over at Chantelle's home.

Fine if he was sleeping in a spare room or on the sofa. But I do worry that parents condone their teenagers' sexual activity too quickly these days.

I was in a long queue in a high street store just before Christmas when I heard a mum laugh and joke with her son about whether he wanted her to buy him more condoms. Now this lad certainly looked under 16 and it was pretty obvious that she was buying him contraception.

Should we applaud her for ensuring he was taking precautions or be appalled that she wasn't attempting to persuade him that there is more to life at that age than sex?

So what should we do as parents to help. We would be naive to think that banning our youngsters from having sex would do any good at all.

What we can do is set down some rules of respect and not be so liberal that we condone or allow behaviour we are not happy with in our homes.

We can also instil in our children the knowledge that sexual relationships should be part of a loving, long-term relationship. And most importantly that it is their body, they should respect it and they are allowed to say no.