Mark Andrews: MPs contend with an outdated gym, Alf Garnett's mansion tax, and Rachel's troublesome Uncle Terry

As if there is not enough wrong with this country at the moment, government minister and Birmingham MP Al Carns has spotted an area of human suffering which Wednesday's budget totally failed to address. 

The state of the House of Commons gym.

The showers are way out of date, he says, adding "The changing facilities do not have hangers for your suits."  

Charles Dickens would have had a field day.

He's also unhappy with the opening hours, saying most modern gyms are open 24 hours. The lockers don't cut the mustard either, and Mr Carns said it should be providing services from 'menopause advice and mental health all the way through to some heavy weights, big bars and CrossFit capabilities'.

Fair enough, I'm sure that every cash-strapped council in the country which is trying to keep its dilapidated leisure centre open will sympathise. Besides,.as Mr Carns explains, it is in all our interests that MPs have only the best keep-fit equipment at their disposal.

"It helps us to operate more effectively as Members of Parliament by taking care of our health and wellbeing." he says.

Which explains a lot. The reason everything is going to the dogs is because the MPs' gym needs a refurb. 

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The one thing in the Budget that there will not be too many complaints about in this neck of the woods is the punitive taxes on properties worth more than £2 million. Let's be honest, there aren't that many of them around here. 

It's a bit harsh on old people who bought their terraced houses in the trendier parts of London before prices went through the roof, but still, they're cockneys, aren't they? Sympathy is going to be in short supply.

And besides, the old codgers don't half drag  these painfully chic areas down a bit. Surely it's time for Alf Garnett to move out, and free up his house for some trendy urban hipsters.

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The problem is, once the Government has a taste for taxing property wealth, do you think it will leave it there? Don't be surprised if next year it is extended to properties ,more than £1.5 million, and who knows after that. Those with the broadest shoulders etc. 

And given what the Chancellor has just done with income tax thresholds, surreptitiously dragging 700,000 low earners into the tax system, and dragging another 900,000 into the higher tax bands, by freezing the thresholds, do you honestly think she won't do it with the 'mansion tax'? The way property prices have soared over the past couple of decades, it's quite possible that 10 years from now, a bedsit in Bilston will be worth £2 million

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What she should have done was put taxes on all those things that make the world a worse place. Like keg lagers, Deliveroo cyclists, blinged-up Corsas, and garish Christmas lights. 

And, I suppose, in the Chancellor's case, her troublesome Uncle Terry.