Shropshire Star

Mark Andrews: Trevor's pregnancy question, how to make thousands on the internet, and why are our prisons so crowded?

Trevor Kavanagh, the veteran political commentator, revealed how after a minor operation, a nurse asked him if he was pregnant.


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Kavanagh is male, 81 years old, has a white beard, and he writes for The Sun. Now if he was Cheggers, don't you think we might have read about it?

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Say what you like about Marius Gustavson, but you can't question his dedication to his art.

The 46-year-old from Haringey made almost £300,000 by charging assorted weirdos £100 a time to watch videos of him have his gentleman sausage cut off, the tip of his nipple removed, and his leg frozen so it had to be amputated.

And people say there's nothing on television these days.

You won't be terribly surprised to learn that he ended up claiming £18,500 in disability benefits.

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Anyhow, he has just been sentenced to life in prison following a trial at the Old Bailey.

The jury heard how, as his business boomed, he recruited a number of like-minded volunteers to star in his movies. And he also launched a mail-order service selling body bits. Now I'm all for recycling, and one man's rubbish is another man's treasure. But that might be taking things a little too far.

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Indeed, a search of Gustavson's house found various body parts, including testicles, in plastic tubs in his freezer. His penis was found in a drawer almost four years after it was lopped off.

Yes, the police sometimes get a rough ride in this column, and rightly so. But you can't help but feel for the copper who carried out that raid.

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Marius also fancied himself as a bit of chef, and 'cooked some testicles for lunch'. Pictures on his phone ranged from 'raw ingredients to an artfully arranged salad platter'.

The man's wasted in prison. He should be on Come Dine With Me.

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Prisoners are being released from their sentences up to 70 days early under the latest Ministry of Justice wheeze to free up space in our overcrowded jails.

The Government insists none of the jailbirds being freed will have committed crimes involving serious violence, which reassures me no end.

What I don't understand is how the prisons have become so overcrowded in the first place. We all know nobody ever gets done for shoplifting or burglary any more. Car crime and graffiti are treated less seriously than parking offences. And even someone does get caught, they usually get off with a slap on the wrist. So if the offenders being released are not violent, and are not thieves or vandals, who exactly is in prison in the first place?

Apart from Marius Gustavson, obviously.

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Out shopping on Saturday afternoon, I noticed a vinegary smell in the supermarket. One minute it was there, then it disappeared, then it returned.

Then I realised it came from a young couple pushing a baby around in a pram-type thing, occasionally feeding the infant from a carton of chips on the shopping rack. You can't teach parenting skills like that.