Political column – October 11

MP Pauline Latham asked what steps the government was taking to encourage more tourists to enjoy performing arts outside London.

Prime Minister's Questions is an epic of performing arts. There's action, drama, suspense, and intrigue. It was back home at the grand stage that is Westminster after the parties' trips to venues outside the M25 for their respective conferences.

The leading players were triumphant. Theresa May danced her way around all the knives that were drawn for her. To the surprise of some critics, hers is a show that just goes on and on.

Jeremy Corbyn led a seemingly united and harmonious party. There were none of those little local difficulties which, before the dead hand of the spin doctors became all powerful, used to make Labour conferences lively affairs.

The Lib Dems also held a conference.

Theresa May's reply to Mrs Latham was that the government was encouraging performing arts throughout the country.

But where is it written that PMQs has to be held in central London? Wouldn't it be better all round if they all got out more?

There would be curiosity value, but not necessarily entertainment value.

Yesterday's latest instalment continued the familiar formula. The scriptwriters had an off day. Both Mrs May and Jeremy Corbyn appeared to have swallowed books of statistics.

If you missed it, and you didn't miss anything, here are some of the catch-up highlights of this episode, which was called: An End To Austerity?

JC: "Cuts! Cuts! Cuts! Cuts in everything but crime! Heaven knows, we're all miserable now. Police, nurses... It's terrible, just terrible."

TM: "Well, there you go again. Funding is at a record high. We're putting in millions, nay, billions and trillions."

The above, incidentally, is a summary of the First Act.

Act Two

JC: "Eight years of painful austerity. Poverty is up. Homelessness and deaths on our streets is up. Living standards down. Public services slashed and a million elderly are not getting the care they need. Wages have been eroded and all the while billions were found for tax giveaways for big corporations and the super rich.

"The Prime Minister declared she is ending austerity but unless the Budget halts the cuts, increases funding for public services, gives our public servants a decent a pay rise, then isn't the claim that austerity is over simply a great big Conservative con?"

There were cheers from some sections of the audience.

TM: "We know what would really hurt working people. Labour's plans would cost one trillion pounds. One thousand billion pounds of people's money... working people paying the price of Labour. Yet again Labour taking us back to square one."

You see? Dull, turgid, hackneyed stuff. No, not me – PMQs I mean.

There was a blast from the past from a real old showman.

Ken Clarke asked an incisive question about the Brexit negotiations and what would happen when (and if) a deal came to the Commons for that much-vaunted "meaningful vote."

As a former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ken can count.

He said the maths made it obvious that the agreement would only pass through the Commons if it won the support of pro-European Tory backbenchers and won the support of a significant number of Labour pro-European backbenchers, which "would reveal that the hard line Eurosceptic views of the Bennites on the Labour front bench and the right wing nationalists in our party are a minority in this Parliament."

Mrs May said (all together now) that the government was working for a good deal for the UK, which delivered on the referendum vote, etc etc.

At the end, there were various points of order. Tracy Brabin, Labour, said the Prime Minister's claim about the number of children in good or outstanding schools was not true. As Mrs May had already disappeared from the chamber, this was a bit late.

John Bercow, the Speaker, said: "I'm not the truth commissioner."

And Peter Bone said an MP had held up a placard with a slogan on it and at the same time there was a photographer in the gallery. Was it a coincidence?

It seemed so. It turned out the photographer was the House photographer.

As for that slogan, according to the Speaker the culprit was the MP for Blyth Valley, who is Ronnie Campbell. His behaviour might improve when he grows up, he suggested.

What did the slogan say? I can't say I saw it. I wouldn't be surprised if it said: "Boring. Boring."