Winners and Losers

THE FORGOTTEN ART OF HANDBAGGING: Since the days of that leading exponent Margaret Thatcher, this technique of dealing with those who aggravate you has fallen out of fashion somewhat. It is applicable in British domestic politics, but the purists will point out that this is a poor substitute for the real thing, which involves a British Prime Minister doing business with officials and politicians from the European Union. The art of handbagging does not require possession of an actual handbag, and in the 21st century is non-gender specific.

GEORGE OSBORNE: Boy George got to edit his very own newspaper. His first front page headline in the Evening Standard was "Brussels twists knife on Brexit." Stories so far include: "Theresa May faces first Tory uprising over school funding," "Fresh Brexit row erupts," and "EU chief warns May: Don't let your emotions get out of hand."

MALCOLM BAKER: Mr Baker was one of those members of the public who politicians would prefer to avoid on their meet-the-public walkabouts. He buttonholed the Lib Dem leader Tim Farron and accused Tim of saying that anybody who voted for Britain to leave the EU was a racist. Tim denied it. Some of his best friends, Tim said, were Brexit voters.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, you've read that right. Jeremy Corbyn has been a winner this week. He popped in to visit the Shropshire Star offices, which makes him an automatic winner in our eyes. He also reminisced a little while here about his younger days in these parts, and about how, when Labour took The Wrekin seat back in the 1966 general election, he and some pals celebrated by planting a red flag on the top of The Wrekin. In 1966 Labour overturned a Tory majority of 2,687. In 2017 it's a majority of 9,450. So a mountain to climb there for Jeremy.

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LOSERS

UKIP: No words are needed, as figures do it all. Just look at the results in the council elections.

DIANE ABBOTT: Sorry Diane, we don't really want to put you here, as it's such an obvious one apart from anything else. But you could really do with a spell in the Army and to learn those military watchwords: "Proper Preparation Prevents **** Poor Performance." There has been some sympathy for her as anybody can make a mistake, and there have even been some attempts to make it sound as if criticism of her is based on racism and misogyny. But the bottom line is that if you are shadow home secretary you should know your own brief.

DINNER CONVERSATION: Here's a forum for informal gossip which has been destroyed by Jean-Claude Juncker. Speak to him, and you speak to the world. He'll tell everybody what galaxy you are on. Happily there are remedies. One is not to say anything indiscreet over the dinner table. The other is not to invite along people like Jean-Claude Juncker.

UNKNOWN TELEVISION EDITOR: It's one of those informal in-the-street moments with Tim Farron again. He was interviewed on camera with a huge banner in the background with a message which must have begun, in capitals, FUTURE... However, due to the cropping effect of the camera, only the first two letters could be seen. And they were right by Mr Farron's head.