Oh no, it's gym rage!
Incredible Hulk, or Incredible Sulk? Signing up for sessions at the local fitness centre could be a real eye-opener. Ben Bentley discovers growing incidents of 'gym rage'.
Incredible Hulk, or Incredible Sulk? It's mid-afternoon and one Shropshire gym is, like many others across the county, full of people whose bodies are bursting with endorphins and adrenaline as they try to convert sweat and vanity into body sculptures of Herculean proportions.
To the sound of heavy metal music, a man with biceps as big as footballs admires his impressive sweat-drenched torso in the mirror as he pumps his dumbell one last time. A group of scantily-clad fellows look impatient as they await their turn.
Amid scenes similar to these, a frightening new phenomenon has emerged: the first known county case of so-called "gym rage".
In it, 28-year-old James Barret, from Donnington and a member of a Telford gym, claimed he'd been 'bullied' by fellow gym members.
He said his problems started when he complained about a group who insisted on shouting and throwing equipment.
A survey commissioned by FHM Bionic magazine found 22 per cent of men thought they had been victims of intimidation in the gym.
Coming after the likes of road rage and shopping rage, it marks a new bubbling over of pent-up frustrations in areas of modern life.
The little red devil can rise in us at any time but when we are pumped full with adrenaline and the Prince of Darkness is screaming pulse-quickening rock anthems over the stereo system, we are getting frustrated because the bench press machines are being hogged by other members who seem happy to chat and turn their session into a social club.
Add to the equation considerable membership costs and with workout time limited the blood begins to boil.
At the Tone Zone in Oswestry, Rob Bennett, 35, is pumping iron on the free weights. He holds over his head two dumbells, each of which weigh the equivalent of a medium-sized Labrador.
Rob, from Oswestry, doesn't pump himself up out of vanity; he is a professional diver who swims with sharks every working day at a Planetarium in Liverpool.
He has never experienced any form of gym rage here, but is aware of the types of frustrations that might build up among more hardcore members of other gyms.
He says: "If someone is on a piece of equipment I want to go I, I can go on something else. You have to be prepared to wait."
There is one thing that gets his goat in the gym, though. "Mobile phones do irritate me - if someone is sitting on equipment and texting their mates, that's frustrating," he says.
Often gym members' frustrations are more subtle. Go to any gym and it's easy to feel inferior, and as she pounds the running machine, Oswestry nurse Joanna Evans, 25, says she chooses to this particular gym to avoid the so-called "meatheads".
Tone Zone manager Peter Davis says there have been no incidents of gym rage here - indeed the term is a new one on him. His gym is attended by a cross section of members, from pensioners referred here by GPs to professional athletes.
He understands how problems could arise, which is why he knows how to keep members happy by getting instructors to ensure that members don't hog the machines.
Fitness instructor Alan Bray prefers the more relaxed atmosphere of a place like the Tone Zone.
"I used to work in a body building gym - try telling a 20-stone person that they are doing it wrong and they're not going to like it."
Gym goers in Shropshire have been quick to tell their stories of workout intimidation and frustration. In the wake of the gym rage case, dozens of comments were posted on the Shropshire Star website.
One said: "There are written and un-written rules about comportment in such an environment, rules which are often not enforced when a new member joins, allowing bad habits to become 'accepted' behaviour.
For example, throwing weights about, letting them drop heavily, shouting and grunting 'look at me, I'm so macho!'"
Former Shropshire business manager Steve Jones says he is bemused by some gym members' behaviour.
"My spin bike class starts at 6:15 am, and by 5:55 am the reception of the gym is full of people waiting for it to open at 6am. The 32 bikes have towels on them a 'German sunbed' fashion within just a few minutes of the members being allowed in.
"Two of the guys that go are very particular about getting the front two bikes. When they realised that myself and my flatmate were pipping them to the post one of them started getting in earlier to beat us to it, camping out in reception from 5:45am!
"It's got as far as the guy throwing his towel on a bike when I was within a foot or so's reach, and I've also seen him take someone's towel off claiming he already had his water bottle on it.
"I find it crazy that people can be so precious, I like being at the front but quite frankly would rather have an extra 10 minutes in bed and sit a row back."
Gym rage is clearly a dumbell too far but like its motoring equivalent, road rage, it is perhaps the best avoid direct confrontation altogether.
One gym type, fitness instructor and author Gary Matthews, has even written a guide on how to avoid becoming the victim of gym rage.
Among his tips, he says members should avoid chatting away on their mobile phone while working out, don't hog the machines, and don't scream when you are going for that personal best lift - you'll sound like an attention seeker.
Also, follow the gym's code of conduct and if members are not following the code report it to management. Most importantly, don't take matters into your own hands.
After all, the Incredible Hulk always looks a bit daft when his anger has worn off.
By Ben Bentley