Mark Andrews: Dubai influencers, the madness of the Government's new ID app, and 10 years after we voted to leave the EU, it's coming after our veggie bacon
Remember all those idiot 'influencers' who, a few months ago, were bragging about how they were leaving the UK for Dubai, where they would pay no tax and live in a land of endless sunshine? They seem to have gone a bit quiet lately.
I do believe the British Government should provide them with safe passage back. But only if they pay back the taxes they had boasted about avoiding.
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What's troubling you at the moment? The war in Iran? The price of petrol? The impending surge in the cost of living as the Gulf crisis plays havoc with the price of everything?
I would hazard a guess that veggie bacon comes fairly low down that list. So you won't be too surprised that the busybodies of the European Union are passing laws to ban the use of terms such as 'vegetarian bacon' or 'meat-free steak' on our supermarket shelves. They reckon it's misleading, and I must admit, it's given me one or two sleepless nights.
You might also be wondering what that has got to do with us, given that we voted 10 years ago to leave the EU and end all this nonsense.
And a few months ago, it had nothing whatsoever to do with us. But last year, in his great wisdom, the Prime Minister decided we needed to 'cut red tape' by 'having a closer relationship with the EU'. Which in reality meant agreeing to comply with future EU food legislation. That was clever, wasn't it?
What I don't understand is, if it is misleading to describe something as a 'veggie steak' because it has no meat in it, is it not somewhat misleading to say you are 'cutting red tape' by imposing more daft rules on food producers?
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The PM's right-hand man Darren Jones was also talking about 'cutting red tape' this week when he explained how the Government would be introducing a new digital phone app to access government services.
Sounds harmless enough, as long as it's voluntary, doesn't it? I wouldn't trust it, but if others want to, what's the problem?
Well, he let the cat out of the bag when he was questioned about funding. He explained that savings would be made because not so many people would be needed in call centres.
In other words, digital ID is completely voluntary. Just don't expect a reply when you try do things by phone.
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If, of course, you can find the phone number in the first place. Another nasty development of the past two years is how organisations, publicly funded ones in particular, have become notably shy in disclosing their telephone numbers. And see what happens when you ask the name of who you're speaking to....
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In one interview, Mr Jones portrayed the nightmarish situation of 'having to make a telephone call at 8am' to access government services. People were now accustomed to using banking apps, he said, and expected the same standards of service from the Government.
What planet is this man on?
The switch to online banking has become one of the most pernicious trends of recent years, the only real beneficiaries being the banks themselves, cutting costs by shutting branches and sacking workers. And stuff those 'legacy customers' who won't play the game.
And the Government thinks that is some kind of gold standard to aspire to? It's enough to turn you into Wolfie Smith.
No sooner had the words left Mr Jones's mouth, we were hearing about a data breach with the Lloyd banking app. Fortunately for me, I won't be affected. Despite the continued pressure every time I go into the bank, I still refuse to use one.
