Mark Andrews: Identity, baldness, and the end of the naughty step

THEY’RE a funny lot in Brighton. First, it was the ‘gender neutral’ toilets, introduced by the council some years ago for reasons I have long forgot.

Then last year, somebody had the bright idea of issuing the council workers with ‘gender ID’ badges, where they were asked to declare what sex they defined themselves as.

I suppose then it comes as no big surprise that a young man from Brighton called Zack Pinsent has now defined himself as ‘being from the 1820s’. It’s no passing phase, either. He first felt the yearning to dress up like Jacob Rees-Mogg when he was 14, and marked the occasion by setting fire to his only pair of jeans. A bit over the top, I would say, couldn’t he have just taken them to the charity shop like everyone else? Think of your carbon footprint, Zack.

Now 25, he rarely leaves the house without a top hat and tailcoat, and says even football fans think it’s flipping marvellous. Maybe so, but I’d still be inclined to stay away from the New Den. It has got me thinking, though. If these days we can be anything we want to be, and it is all down to how we define ourselves, I've got to do my bit. So from here on, I wish to identify as a muscular, athletic 24-year-old with superb ball-control skills. When do I get my England call-up?

JUST when you thought the nanny state would be running out of things to tax, it emerges that the Government is now seeking to cut child obesity with a levy on sugary milk-based drinks. In other words, a milkshake tax. I can’t possibly think why politicians would want to introduce that.

SOME of the progress in medical science is truly remarkable. Stem cell researchers in the US have come up with a cure for baldness that could soon have Kojak looking like Leo Sayer.

Dr Richard Chaffoo, at the International Society for Stem Cell Research in Los Angeles, says it could improve the lives of millions, and I’m sure he’s right. But just as long as they pay for it themselves. The last thing we need is the NHS being inundated with perfectly healthy folk who fancy a Mohican.

FAREWELL Nanny Jo Frost then. A poll of 1,000 nursery workers found that 95 per cent are banned from describing children as ‘naughty’, and that the ‘naughty step’ is now a thing of the past.

I never really understood the naughty step. If a three-year-old is naughty enough to be put on the naughty step in the first place, why are they going to take any notice when they are told to stand on it? Unless, of course, they enjoy the attention. In which case it is not much of a punishment.

Apparently, labelling a child as ‘naughty’ may cause them to view themselves in a negative light, Instead, child minders should invite children to consider the consequences of their actions in a mature, grown-up discussion. Yep, I’m sure little Johnnie will think long and hard about the long-term implications next time he drops his Dinky car in the goldfish tank.

This comes as the Welsh Government is passing legislation on its smacking ban, something parents in the West Midlands might want to consider if they plan a week in Barmouth. I wonder if the Welsh will start dragging their kids over to Oswestry for a spot of gentle chastisement?