Political column – February 28

Sir Keir Starmer strides to the microphone outside Downing Street, trying to keep his emotions in check.

Sounds of cheering can be heard in the background. Behind him, Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry is smirking. Prime Minister Jeremy Corbyn and Chancellor John McDonnell look pensive.

"Today," says Sir Keir, "is a historic day.

"The People... (pause for effect)... have spoken. And let me say this. We will respect this referendum result!"

Wild cheering in the background.

Sir Keir puts on a statesmanlike and serious face.

"These have been extraordinarily turbulent times. The country has been divided. But where there is discord, may we bring harmony. Where there is..."

At this point an older aide with a memory going back to 1979 catches his eye. She is frantically alternately pointing to a handbag and making cut-throat motions to get him to stop.

"Er... We shall unite the country," continues Sir Keir, veering from his St Francis of Assisi quote.

"And henceforth, let us declare today... Europe Day!" finally losing control and punching the air, amid more wild cheering.

After all, as Labour's "Brexit Secretary," this is what Sir Keir has been tirelessly working for – Remain!

It has been a stunning triumph with a winning margin of better than two to one.

In London, there has been dancing on the streets. Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a public holiday.

Across Westminster, there is relief. At last, the three-year nightmare is over.

How did we get to this point?

In the spring, Theresa May came back to Parliament with her tweaked deal with the EU. No good – it was defeated again. With MPs imprisoned by their ideological scripts, it was a total impasse, with no prospect of anything being agreed, ever.

They say that where there's a will, there's a way. But the converse for a largely Remain-supporting Commons tasked with delivering Brexit is that where there's no will, there's no way.

The only logical path forward was to try to change the cast and rejuggle the Commons arithmetic. A general election, then.

Labour scored a thumping victory. Its manifesto included several pages detailing its Brexit policy. They were all blank and headed "All Options Are Open."

Immediately after Mr Corbyn settled in Number 10 – only metaphorically as he preferred to stay at home – he dispatched Sir Keir to Brussels.

Sir Keir breezed in, puffed his chest out, and said: "I have come here to reach a Brexit deal based on Labour's six tests."

At this point he pulled out a crumpled envelope and started to read from the back of it.

"Er, five tests now."

Juncker, Barnier, and Tusk all looked up wearily. Like everybody else, they had had enough. Nothing needed to be said.

"Thought not," said Sir Keir brightly, heading for the door. He hadn't even bothered sitting down.

The "Brexit Secretary" had now got his referendum to end this silly Brexit business.

But what should the question be?

The right-on solution agreed by MPs was to put it to a "citizens' assembly" an idea which has "worked in other places." The fact that MPs are already in a citizen's assembly and are each paid £77,000 a year plus expenses to run the country seems to have escaped them.

Three of the citizens' assemblies failed to agree, and police were called to a further two after riots broke out.

With no deal on the table, it was a binary choice on the ballot paper. Leave, or Remain.

There were 12.3 million Remain votes and only 5.8 million for Leave.

At first, there was a sullen silence from the Leave camp. Nobody went on telly to lie: "I accept the referendum result."

Then some started to say the people had voted for a journey, without knowing the destination. Or was it that they had voted for a destination without knowing the journey? Whatever.

It was claimed people had not known what they were voting for, such as a chance to fight in Ukraine with a future EU army on peacekeeping duties. Also, there were serious question marks over Labour's manifesto nationalisation commitments, which were thrown into doubt due to EU competition rules.

Then there was the maths. Turnout was down. And a total of 12.3 million Remain votes in 2019 was still far behind 17.4 million Leave votes in 2016.

Post-poll research suggested millions of Leave supporters had not bothered voting at all, reasoning that as their votes had been ignored once, what was the point of voting again and being ignored again?

It was clear that what was needed was another period of education for the ill-informed public, followed by, you guessed it, another referendum, perhaps this time, to make a change, on the terms of Britain's EU membership.

But a third referendum was never going to happen. The politicians had learned their lesson. And they were never going to give the public a chance to mess things up again.