On the hunt for the real Mrs May
Was it Theresa May? Or was it her stunt double?
The dress style was familiar. There was the trademark necklace with monster baubles.
Whoever it was had got the voice and the mannerisms right as well.
Nevertheless, there was room for doubt. When it comes to appearing on television, Mrs May has form as The Woman Who Was Not There.
Confusingly, she sends people in her place. It sounds like one of those CIA psychological warfare ploys.
It was billed as a big Brexit speech. It was intended to get the Tories back onto turf on which they feel most comfortable, after the social care embarrassments.
As the speaker took the platform, there was general agreement that it could not be Amber Rudd standing in for Mrs May this time to take the heat before the television cameras. She had been spotted elsewhere, and by the laws of metaphysics, or whatever, you cannot be in two places at once.
One theory had it that Mrs May had sent Boris Johnson in a wig and told him to do a Churchill impression. In support of this was the knowledge that Boris will do just about anything.
It wasn't a bad Churchill impression either.
"We are a great country. We can build a Britain beyond Brexit which is stronger, fairer, and even more prosperous. A country our children and grandchildren are proud to call home. Set free from the shackles of European Union control, we will be a great global trading nation once again, bringing new jobs and new opportunities."
If there was going to be any fighting on the beaches, it was against that Man With No Plan who would lead the country away from sunlit uplands and into a new dark age.
"The only other person who can be Prime Minister in seven days is simply not up to the job. He doesn't believe in Britain, doesn't have a plan, and doesn't have what it takes," said whoever it was pretending to be Mrs May at the microphone.
It was a "great national moment" which needed a "great national effort where we pull together with a unity of purpose."
"You can only deliver Brexit, if you believe in Brexit."
Gotcha! Surely not Mrs May then. She campaigned to Remain.
In the post-speech questions session, "Mrs May" was asked about that television debate.
"Amber Rudd did an excellent job," was the response.
There was a follow-up asking if she had watched it - a trick question, as obviously you cannot watch a debate if you are appearing in it at the same time.
"Amber Rudd did an excellent job in that debate," came the reply. But Amber Rudd could have said that.
Michael Crick, of Channel Four News, solved the mystery: "Isn't the reason you are doing so badly that when people ask you about policy all we get is cliches and platitudes."
Cliches? Platitudes? Mrs May - it's a positive ID.
