Peter Rhodes on strange subtitles, the passing of Paddy and a big bill from the insurers

THE NHS advice to watch for signs of dementia among family members at festive parties is frankly unnecessary. Isn't that what family gatherings are all about? I cannot think of a single Rhodes party over the past 50-odd years which has not been followed with a whispered autopsy on how Aunt Bridget can't remember where she left the cat and Cousin Nigel is completely ga-ga. While we, of course, are as bright as thingummies and as sharp as whatever those sharp things in the kitchen are called, oh yes.

PADDY Ashdown. Interviewed him twice. Good bloke. No problems. Sensible answers. Bit clipped.

WHY, when subtitles are needed in a TV drama, do they not simply cut-and-paste the words from the written script? Instead, it is obvious that people watch the programme and type what they thought the characters said. Hence some strange lines, as seen in Agatha and the Truth of Murder (C5) when a company which styled iself "Messrs" appeared in the subtitles as "Mrs," the phrase "one hand tied behind my back" became "one hand tied into my back" and "When can we leave?" was subtitled as "When can we live?" Similar sightings welcome.

LAST week's item about motorists failing to tell insurance companies they had attended a driver-awareness course, rang a bell. A reader once told me that a retired police officer running one course was asked about the insurance implications and told the class: "There's no way anyone can find out you've been here." Mind how you go.

MEANWHILE, if you got a new car for Christmas, watch out for the "adjustment" fee to pay for insurance until your policy's normal renewal date. In ye olden days, it was a nominal sum. Now, it can be a severe smack in the wallet. When I changed cars in mid-policy I complained to the lad on the phone about paying so much for such a short period of cover. At that moment, his company loyalty gave way to private pique. "It happened to me," he said. "My policy only had two weeks to run and they charged me sixty quid."

STILL waiting for a delivery from an online company which, like so many, appears to be based in Britain but is actually in China where they have a curious way of addressing customers. Like this a few days ago: "I feel very sad that we got a negative feedback from you, about the not receive the parcel. I just want to cry now."

I HAD an interesting selection of Xmas presents. I particularly liked the "DIY Peace and Quiet for Brum" kit which contains two drones and a map of Birmingham Airport.

HAVE a very Happy New Year and keep sending those messages in 2019