Mark Andrews: Ghanaian drunkards get my vote, and why Marks & Spencer closure should serve as a wake-up call for our dying town centres

I'm not normally a fan of protest movements, at least not in free, liberal democracies where the ballot box normally renders this type of showboating obsolete. But I think I have found one I might be prepared to make an exception for.

The Ghanaian Drunkards Association, led by Moses 'Dry Bone' Onyah, staged a march through the streets of Accra, demanding lower booze prices. Imagine if the drunkards of the UK could muster similar support.

At the moment, roughly a third of the price of every pint of beer sold in a UK pub goes to the Exchequer. Imagine the boost to our dying pub trade  if the drunkards of the UK were able to pressure the Government into a 33 per cent cut in beer prices. 

Dry Bone reckons the Ghanaian Drunkards Association has 16.5 million members, I'm sure we can do better than that if we set our mind to it. Come on! Your country, and your pub, needs you.

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The closure of Wolverhampton's branch of Marks & Spencer is not just a body blow for the city itself, but is a disturbing symbol of the seeming never-ending spiral of decline in our towns and cities. 

The council will try to put a brave face on it. Expect to hear talk about 'repurposing' the building - what a ghastly recent expression - but we all know that is simply trying to make the best out of a bad job. There will probably be proposals to turn part of it into flats, but who wants to live in the middle of a city where the major shops are disappearing?

Fingers will, of course, be pointed at the council, but in truth there isn't that much it can do to make shops profitable. And how many of the people blaming local government actually support the businesses when they are there? In my experience, the people who complain the most loudly are often the first to desert their towns for the lazy convenience of the out-of-town retail park.

Yes, I know people will ask what else are they to do when their favourite shops move out, but loyalty to a town or city should always trump that of a retail chain. I decided 30-odd years ago that I didn't like the way shops were leaving my home town for a giant out-of-town retail complex, and decided that only those that stayed put would get my money - even if that meant paying more and getting less choice.

Our towns, cities and villages are part of the fabric of our nation. And we get the town centres we deserve.

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Nigel Farage reckons he's been inundated with letters from overseas prisoners, begging to be deported back to their homelands. One from a man who arrived from India on a one-year visa, and has now been inside for two years. A Spanish prisoner said he hadn't seen his wife and children for more than three years. And the prize for chutzpah must go to the man serving 13-and-a-half years for GBH with intent, who argues that it would save the Government a fortune if he was sent home. 

It's a seductive argument - if there wasn't this nagging suspicion he'd be back on a small boat before light's out time.