When leaders reach their Best Before date

Resignation seems inevitable, unless the Gray inquiry rules that it was all a dream.

Boris squirms, Theresa watches on – wearing THAT necklace
Boris squirms, Theresa watches on – wearing THAT necklace

I cannot recall any politician in office being so humiliated while still keeping their trousers on.

Here is a transcript:

"Sorry. I apologise.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I wish things were done differently. I am contrite. It was not as I thought. Sorry. Again.

"I want to make amends, to explain.

"Golly gosh, if I had thought for one moment that those people chatting, drinking, and having nibbles in my garden were having a party, I would never have allowed it. My implicit understanding was that it was a work meeting.

"Can I go now?"

It perhaps worked at Eton when he got into scrapes. Whether it will work for somebody holding the office of Prime Minister is another kettle of fish.

For a politician to be disliked by some MPs is par for the course. But Boris Johnson is now held in open contempt, and not just by the Opposition.

On the backbenches, Theresa May was wearing THAT necklace. The one with the big attack beads that she wore during the tense Brexit debates (unless she has whole stocks of them). As she was wearing a mask it was difficult to tell if she was smiling or grimacing.

Strange thing, trust in politicians. There was that golden era when you could trust them. I think it may have been in the Middle Ages.

Victorians? They can all be cancelled and invalidated, having been "elected" by a selective, elitist, sexist, and sometimes corrupt all-male, all-posh voting system, which no doubt we should be ashamed of.

That means we have to look to more modern times for trust in politics.

Tony Blair led the nation into a war on a false premise – some would say lie – which led to tens of thousands of deaths and hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children being displaced and a country left in ruins.

The only people made to resign as a result were journalists striving to find the truth.

And now he is Sir Tony.

David Cameron and his sidekick, a corrupt French criminal called Nicolas Sarkozy, joined forces to take us into a war in Libya which led to thousands of deaths, tens of thousands of Libyans being displaced or ethnically cleansed, and whole armies of families living in poverty and misery trying to flee from the shores by hazardous boat, with many drowning in the attempt.

The Cameron-Sarkozy adventure, based on a very broad interpretation of a United Nations resolution, and also involving flagrant breaches by the French of a UN arms embargo, has had a profound consequence for world peace. It so displeased the Russians, who felt betrayed by what they saw as Western duplicity, that they said "we won't get fooled again".

It triggered a renewed Cold War which is a much more immediate threat than global warming, but isn't as fashionable so isn't given as much coverage.

Meanwhile, Libya was transformed into a failed state, and Islamic State was given a foothold.

Then there was the Bercow Parliament in which we learned that voters' trust in politicians is not reciprocated by politicians' trust in voters.

Boris Johnson didn't start a war. He went to a drinks party – and it looks like it will see him out on his ear.

Bye bye Boris. A figure of fun for a while. But the most tragic fate for a clown is when the audience stops laughing.

Recipe of the week: Lamb Korma.

Method. Take the lamb joint left over from the Sunday roast, remove meat from the bone, and dice. Put in slow cooker with some other stuff. Look in kitchen cupboard for jar of korma sauce, add, and give the whole thing a stir.

Turn on slow cooker. Medium heat will do.

Wonder why your concoction looks a bit funny. Stir again. Allow to cook for a bit. Concoction still looking a bit funny. Search for lid of korma sauce and consult. Put on glasses and consult again. "Best before date: May 2012."

Put entire contents in bin and reach for the ready meals.

Go through kitchen cupboards carefully in the spirit of gastronomic archaeology, paying particular attention to stuff pushed to the back, and any tins which are actually rusting.

Can anybody beat a best before date of March 2001?

Yes, seriously.

It was curry powder, or something like that.

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