Mark Andrews:The rise of the lanyard class is ruining everything

Halfway through my student days, my university had the bright idea of issuing identity lanyards, or Jim'll Fix It badges as we called them, supposedly to check that unauthorised members of the public weren't taking advantage of its facilities.

I'm not quite sure what they were afraid of - non-students sneaking into the library for a crafty butchers' at Positive Economics by Richard G Lipsey, perhaps? But I do recall a slightly half-hearted mutiny in the student newspaper, and a rather pompous rebuke from some mid-ranking academic. Most of us, though, just ignored the rules, stuffed the lanyards in our pockets, and got on with our day.

This story came to mind when I read Labour grandee Lord Glasman's observation that the 'lanyard class' is creating a 'hostile environment' for the traditional working classes. I reckon he's bang on the money.

We all know exactly who he is referring to, that cadre of people who, instead of grudgingly stuffing their corporate identity in their pocket, proudly wear it as a badge of their authority to tell other people what's best for them. The sort of people who still believe it was a terrible mistake giving ordinary folk a say on Brexit, because lanyard wearers are always 'better informed'. It's the lanyard  class that thwarts small businesses with red tape, that requires nurses to ask bearded blokes if they are pregnant, and tells tradesmen to cycle to work or use public transport, while demanding a right to a 'flexible working environment' for themselves.   

Maybe Glasman's announcement marks the start of a fightback against all this nonsense, and the lanyard class will get their wings clipped. But I doubt it. 

Because decent chap that the Prime Minister is, I can't help but think he probably wears a lanyard in bed.

*****

Sadly, Lord Glasman's message doesn't appear to have filtered down to Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson, who this week announced she wants to help children develop some “much-needed grit” to face life's ups and downs - by putting extra mental health teams in schools.

What a typically lanyard response. She is right that youngsters are becoming too fragile, but the solution is the exact opposite of what she is proposing. Instead of providing 'mental health support' schools need to be telling kids that real life is a rough-and-tumble existence, sometimes people will be rude to you, and sometimes you will feel hard done by. But if you work hard and tough it out, you usually come through unscathed in the end. 

*****

Talking of which, remember all those kids who were given inflated estimated A-level grades during the pandemic, because they weren't able to sit their exams? Well it probably comes as no surprise to learn that they are dropping out of their university course like flies, with a sharp spike in the number of students not returning for the second year of their courses. 

You can't blame the kids, particularly as they now have it drummed into them that going to university is the be-all-and-end-all. Which is probably why we have got an acute shortage of skilled people who can make things, and more importantly repair them. And a whole of army of jobsworths who rock some rather fetching lanyards.