Mark Andrews: Don't close the schools - just crank up the Wurzels and party like it's 1976

Not that everyone agrees. ‘If you think it’s bad here, see what it’s like in France’ said the newscaster on News at Ten on Wednesday, in sombre tones. According to that always upbeat publication The Guardian, the heatwave is ‘the worst ever’, and it’s usual gloomy reports about ‘global warming’ have now been upgraded to ‘global heating’. Presumably until January, when the icy blast from the Arctic will be blamed on ‘climate change’. I wonder how they decide on what terminology to use on any given day - does somebody stand outside the office with a light-meter and thermometer, like the cricket umpires deciding whether the players will be allowed to take their jumpers off and wear sunglasses?

One does wonder what sort of weather these people would find satisfactory. Probably something like in those Scandinavian countries which are in total darkness for months on end. You can wear hi-viz all day long, and why not put on the head-torch while we’re about it?

I can only imagine they look at people having fun on the beach or enjoying a few drinks outside the pub and shake their heads in despair. ‘Why can’t they all be po-faced and earnest like us?’

Assuming the sun is still shining - and knowing the Great British weather, by the time you read this we will be probably be in the middle of flash floods - I urge you all to go out to your favourite place and make the most of it.

Because in the blink of an eye it will be autumn again, and then winter, when we will all be shivering in the cold, and the gloomsters at the Guardian will be putting on their serious faces to talk about ‘heating or eating’.

So get out there, crank up The Wurzels, and party like it’s 1976.

One group who were presumably making the most of the sunshine this week were the teachers at all the schools which closed on ‘health and safety’ grounds. Aside from the inconvenience to working parents, what example does that send to young people?

In 30 or 40 years’ time the kids who are today being told it is too dangerous to be at school when the weather is a bit sunny will be the ones running the country, making important decisions. You dread to think what their view of the world will be like.

So far, the hot weather has only been for a few days. Back in ’76 it went on for two months, there was a fortnight when the peak temperature barely dropped below 90 degrees. Schools didn’t shut, they just took the kids out onto the playing fields or yard. The kids loved it, and the teachers probably enjoyed it too.

Grow some backbone and teach the kids a bit of resilience.

Of course, many of the schools that are unilaterally deciding to shut for the week are not local-authority run, but academies that are directly funded with government grants. I think if I were the Education Secretary, I would be looking at whether it would be possible to suspend school’s funding for the days that they are shut. I suspect that would focus the mind somewhat.

And finally, enjoy the England game tonight. Fans got a bit carried away after the Croatia game, but the World Cup is always a marathon and not a sprint, and it is often the drab 0-0 draws that separate the serious contenders from the plucky losers. Could this be England’s year? Who knows, but it would certainly make it a summer to remember. It’s amazing how the glass suddenly seems half full when the sun is shining.