The MMR jab: One mother's experience

I have been dreading this appointment since my son Beau was born. I knew it would come and I knew I would have no choice but to face it.

Today Beau, at just over 14 months, is scheduled to have his MMR jab.

And despite all my better judgement I am quietly terrified about it.

Because that's the terrible legacy of Dr Andrew Wakefield.

Today, after being found guilty of a series of misconduct charges related to unethical research which linked the MMR jab with autism, his fall from grace is complete.

The case by the General Medical Council is believed to have cost in excess of £1 million so far and has taken over two and half years to reach this point.

But Wakefield's original study, published more than 12 years ago, has done far more damage than just costing time or money.

I am so torn about today, and I have no doubt there are many parents who feel the same when their time comes. A large part of me is so glad this date has arrived and my child will be protected against diseases that could potentially kill him.

But, amid the fears re-ignited by today's developments in London — there is another small part of me that wishes it was not yet time

Now, in my heart of hearts I know this is the best thing for Beau and that all the evidence points to no link between the MMR and autism.

In fact only last week another study from Poland revealed that vaccinated children have a lower risk of autism. Not just the same risk but a lower risk.

But the nationwide scare that Andrew Wakefield caused is still making news and causing those niggling doubts to re-surface.

His 1998 Lancet paper linking the vaccine with bowel disease and autism is said to have done more damage than anything published in a scientific journal in living memory. Vaccination rates against MMR plunged following publication of the research and have never fully recovered.

It makes days like today even more tortuous than they would have been. It makes the decision we have made to go through with it all the harder.

He has caused parents to doubt the very people they always want to, and should, trust.

Even now, more than a decade later, parents are still divided on the topic.

I have spoken to mums who only feel comfortable with it because they have daughters and have been told it is a bigger risk for boys. Urban myth maybe, but it is something people want to grab on to because every parent's sole aim in life is to keep their children from any harm - even the minutest risk.

Of course they want to get this decision right. We believe it is right to vaccinate Beau but I know I won't rest easy about it until many months after it has been done. As a mum that is my job - to worry, to question, to protect him.

It will take many more years of studies refuting Wakefield's research to completely restore confidence among parents but it is important to do so.

This vaccination is important. That's why parents need support and awareness.

The legacy left by this case has made this is a difficult step, but with support it is one I am sure most will want to take.

And today will go some way to putting things right.

By Tracey O'Sullivan