Food review: Royal Siam, Shrewsbury

Amidst the breathlessly enthusiastic reviewers – those who boast about enjoying the flavours they enjoyed in Thailand – and the mordantly negative – 'worst food and service I have ever had in a restaurant' – is a kernel of truth.

The recent TripAdvisor correspondent HappyArchitect has it just about right when he/she makes the following observations: "The food was good but not remarkable. It is in a good location in a very nice town. The service was prompt and polite."

And that, in 24 words, is a Twitter-friendly, #CutToTheChase #CutOutAndKeep review that pretty much sums up Royal Siam without breaking sweat.

It could spend a little longer talking about the service, which is very good; it could unpack the too-brief-but-spot-on comment that the food is good and not remarkable; it could talk a little about the fact that though the location is pleasant the restaurant is let down by an underwhelming and down-at-heel interior and it could also articulate or explain the rise and rise and rise of Thai restaurants in Shrewsbury – five at the last count.

Or, alternatively, HappyArchitect could do something far more exciting like collect a Travellers' Choice Hotel Reviewer Award from TripAdvisor – honestly, that site's just like being in the Scouts – and leave the hard work to us.

So, here goes.

Royal Siam used to compete with one other Thai restaurant in Shrewsbury for the town's trade. It's long established and has a reasonably loyal following. That's all changed in recent years as up popped other restaurants offering the same type of cusine.

TripAdvisor reviewers rank Royal Siam fourth in the town and while we wouldn't want to get into a my-Thai-is-better-than-your-Thai dust-up, this reviewer wouldn't disagree with the general public's assessment.

Which brings us neatly to the pluses and minuses of Royal Siam.

It has a marvellous location, slap bang in the town centre and near to The House of the Rising Sun, Number Four and a handful of decent bars and watering holes.

It's tucked away at the top of a steep staircase – customers pass the kitchen on the way up, where chefs are busy at the stove.

It needs a little TLC. The carpet might reasonably have been replaced a thousand dinners ago. To say it's showing signs of ageing would be to describe a tortoise as 'a bit shelly'.

To say it ought to be ripped out and replaced would be to say Will Young was a bit of a twonk for taking on Len Goodman on Strictly. Silly boy. Len always has the last word. The rest of the interior isn't up to much, either. Visiting a Thai restaurant ought to take the diner on a virtual journey to Bangkok.

Royal Siam makes you want to take a journey to IKEA, followed by a quick trip to B&Q. It's out-dated and tired. It needs a refresh.

A lick of paint, a few new knick-knacks and other ephemera that is suggestive of 21st century Thailand would considerably improve the dining experience.

One thing that doesn't need improvement is the service. The most polite and charming man in town greeted me when I arrived for an unbooked dinner.

Offering a choice of tables and bringing menus and drinks quickly; he was smart, engaged and utterly professional. Exuding calm and proving himself to be the epitome of efficiency, he was prompt and courteous throughout the evening.

Others might do well to learn from him. He was joined by a waitress who was similarly accomplished. As a couple, they were formidable.

The food, however, didn't pack any wow. It was, as HappyArchitect put it, good but not remarkable.

Actually, I think that's probably too generous. 'Fine' is a more precise description. There weren't too many negatives, but there wasn't much that leapt out and said: 'Eat me some more, you great big hunk of man'. It was just so-so, meh, fine.

I started with chicken satay. It was served with Usain Bolt-esque speed. Within a couple of minutes of placing the order, a collection of grilled chicken fillets were at the table with a too-oily satay dip and shredded salad with a presentational slice of orange. The satay lacked oomph. It needed more chilli. Oil and peanut were the dominant flavours and heat was strangely absent.

My main was a sizzling chicken stir fry with cashew nuts and a side of jasmine rice. It was more gentle murmur, than sizzle: both aurally and in terms of taste. The chicken was cooked decently, the veg were fine, the cashew nuts had been toasted so that they were, well, toasty and slightly sweet.

But it lacked the umami punch that it ought to have had. The sauce was a little indistinct: it was a dance tune playing at seven when the crowd is calling for ten; it was a blushing bride who's too shy to walk up the aisle when the church is already full.

I skipped dessert: the menu didn't offer anything that said 'eat me now or your life will be all the poorer'. The bill was reasonable, the food had been reasonable, the interior plainly wasn't and the service was top notch.

I felt a little sympathetic toward Royal Siam as I descended the steps and stepped out into the chilly autumn night.

The world has moved on since it opened in Shrewsbury. It faces more competition now than ever before: and it needs to up its game to stay relevant and popular.