Jack Averty column: The royal baby is here but it’s a case of what Kate did next?

But as he entered the world kicking and screaming this week, he-who-hasn’t-been-named-yet has brought along more questions than answers.

The first burning thought was – as it always is when the royals are concerned – does anyone actually care?

Crowds lined the street outside the Lindo Wing of St Mary’s Hospital in London, newspapers printed 16-page supplements and social media went into overdrive.

But while thousands of us up and down the country were glued to Kay Burley, waiting for any news about Kate and her baba, the usual dissenters reared their ugly heads – led, as always by the former newspaper turned desperate clickbait website, The Independent.

True to form, when the fifth royal in line to the throne came into the world, The Independent shared its story of the birth along with the tweet: “Woman gives birth to baby boy.”

A principled stand you might think as, after all, what makes the royals so special?

Unfortunately, a quick Google will uncover the paper isn’t quite as noble as it likes to come off, given the Indy had been running stories all throughout the year including ‘psychologists reveal the personality traits the royal baby will have’ and ‘Royal baby: What giving birth in the Lindo Wing is really like’.

But who cares, ey?

Those watching the rolling coverage outside the hospital when it was announced that Kate had gone into labour, would have seen the absolute fruitcake who rocked up in full gear claiming to be the royal town crier.

For keen followers of big royal events, you’ll know it was almost certainly not the first time he’s been spotted in action.

Another plethora of questions followed. Is he real? No. Should he be given any form of publicity or TV time? No.

So to all you US news networks out there who I know are avid readers of the Weekend supplement: Stop. Falling. For. It. Every. Time.

With it settled that ‘yes’ we do care about the royal baba and ‘no’ that loon is not who he says he is, the next important question arises, what is the new royal baby going to be like?

Putting aside the next few days or months, when it’s a safe bet he’ll be doing a lot of crying, eating and filling his nappy, the world will be wondering what the prince will be like when he grows up; what kind of royal will he be?

Will he be a bit of a lad like Harry, a stuck-up snob like Charles or somewhere in-between like Wills?

In recent times the royals have become recognised as more down-to-earth and a little more in touch with the public, so don’t be surprised if we produce a lay-about student who becomes obsessed with bands you’ve never heard of.

Let’s just hope, for all our sakes, that he hasn’t been born a Brexiteer.

And for all our questions and frenzy about the new royal, perhaps we ought to all take a moment to think about dear Kate. Yes, I’m sure it’s weird and slightly unnerving seeing newspapers printing pages upon pages devoted to your baby the day after he’s born. However, a more pressing question on a lot of our minds is whether she’s actually going to turn up to Harry and Meghan’s wedding?

She may well feel obliged to go and even says she wants to, but that sounds like a wee porky to me.

Admittedly, I don’t have first-hand experience of pregnancy and giving birth, but one imagines it to be quite a tiring and stressful experience, even with the best medical team under the sun.

Then on top of the actual labour there’s the weeks, months and years, of no sleep that follow.

Are you seriously telling me that when you get the chance to have a bit of alone time you’re going to spend it going to the wedding of your brother-in-law and some actress you don’t really know?

We all know Kate would rather spend that wedding day soaking in a bath and eating Ben & Jerry’s. Although perhaps she’ll settle for a secret bag of minstrels stuffed in her Dior handbag when she reaches Windsor Castle to see her through.

And it’s not just Kate who’s been heavily affected by the new bab, indeed Princess Charlotte has been thrust into the limelight as the first female royal to retain her claim to the throne, despite her brother’s arrival.

Previously, boys would automatically leapfrog girls on the heir list, regardless of when they were born.

But this is no longer the case and, God forbid anything bad ever happens to Prince George, Charlotte could be Queen. #Girlpower at its finest.

To sum up what has been a tumultuous week: yes we care deeply about the royal baby, no the town crier is not real, yes the baby could grow up to be a nightmare, no Kate does not really want to go to Meghan and Harry’s wedding and yes Princess Charlotte is a rock star in the making.

With such cutting edge frontline reporting, I expect my ascendancy to the post of Weekend’s royal correspondent is forthcoming.