Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes on how a new tax could shame the fatties, why we voted Brexit and the continuing hunt for the Salisbury attacker

You're wasting my money, fatso.

Published
Mary Fat-Shamer?

FUNNY old world. I always assumed I voted to leave the EU in 2016 because I am a bit dim, poorly educated and dislike foreigners. I learn from this week's revelations to the Commons media committee that I actually voted for Brexit because my personal data had been secretly "mined" from Facebook and used to bombard me with subliminal online messages (even though I'm not on Facebook). This is good news for it means I am no longer an imbecile but a victim. Where do I get my compensation?

SLENDER Mary Berry stands accused of "fat shaming" after commenting on the size of fellow chef Nathan Outlaw. She suggested that Nathan, a keen surfer, would put "a bit of weight on that board." He laughed it off but some viewers took instant umbrage and accused Berry of rudeness. Fat-shaming is a crime of our age and you might think an enlightened society would eventually shun it. But I don't think it will go away. I bet fat-shaming will increase - and here's why. There is serious talk of the Government raising a special ring-fenced tax exclusively to pay for the health service. This means, for the first time, we will all see in our wage packets how much of our hard-earned money is going to the NHS. Obesity costs the NHS about £16 billion a year. Some experts believe it could eventually bankrupt the NHS. See how some bitterness might creep in? You're wasting my money, fatso.

THEY seek him here, they seek him there.... The hunt for the Salisbury nerve-agent attacker will soon enter its second month. To sum up. The attacker in question is presumably a trained assassin. His weapon of choice is not a gun or knife but a formidable battlefield weapon of mass destruction, designed to kill fit young men in their thousands. The hit-man is so skilled that he leaves not one fingerprint, nor a dab of DNA. He is not see by a single witness. He cannot be detected on any CCTV camera. And here's the most startling thing of all. For all his stealth, his guile, his training and his consummate skill in the art of targeted killing, he fails to kill his 65-year-old target outright. And you wonder why I doubt that he exists?

PS: As a break from the rabid headlines and wilder conspiracy theories from Salisbury, take a look at Channel 4's sober and authoritative "long read" feature on the incident. It suggests there is no proper definition of novichok nerve agents, that several countries may have produced similar substances and that linking the Salisbury samples to Russia with 100 per cent accuracy may be impossible. See www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/long-read-does-the-uks-case-against-russia-stack-up

EARLIER this week I used an image of my lunch, rearranged into a smiley face. A reader says he took one glance at this assemblage of mushrooms, tomatoes and roast potatoes and reckoned it looked like upside-down male genitalia. Please, see a doctor as quickly as possible.