Peter Rhodes on a 235-year sneer, a curious spell-check and a conspiracy to make you feel stupid

I AM coping with this new online spell-check but it does make some odd connections. Who, in the name of sanity, thinks when I type "someone's" I may have intended to type "Simeon's"?

I AM a great fan of taxing vehicles online. My personal record, from logging on to getting the receipt is four minutes. But my attempt this week stumbled into a cyber quagmire, with the system repeatedly telling me my card number didn't tally with the type of card I had described. I was on the verge of stomping off to the post office and doing it the old -fashioned way when I scrolled the display up and down and located the hidden box requesting your type of card (credit, debit, etc).

I DON'T know why the box was hidden from view, although I suspect there is a conspiracy to undermine the citizens' confidence. Just when you think you're a bit of a whizz with all this cyber stuff, they slap you down. You've noticed it, too?

STEPHEN Fry is leading the campaign for "the most incredible protest in history" when Donald Trump makes his state visit to Britain. But how much of this anger is genuinely about Trump and how much is simply the latest manifestation of the anti-Americanism which has been festering in British society ever since we lost the War of Independence 235 years ago? It is a sneering snobbery, based on the conviction that European nations are civilised, wise and cultured while America is vulgar, brash and far too powerful. At its heart it is all about old nations envying the success of a new nation. And I wonder how many of the "anti-Trump" demonstrators would turn out at any opportunity to bash America, no matter who was the president. One of our national treasures said in an interview ten years ago: "When they mock America for its supposed lack of knowledge, irony or sophistication, they are revealing nothing but the pathetic inadequacy and inferiority complex of the British. I absolutely hate that sneering anti-Americanism." The national treasure? Stephen Fry, since you ask.

ONE or two old softies took me to task for suggesting serial burglars should be taken into a field and shot. I wonder whether this week's report on the armed raider known as the Night Watcher who is targeting homes in southern England, terrifying householders and stealing their valuables changes any minds. Simple question: would the world be a better or a worse place if Chummie was no longer with us/Anyway, if he really is a soldier he'll understand the concept of the firing squad.

TO those readers who see no connection between the hostesses at the Presidents Club and the stars of Strictly Come Dancing, a little prediction. I bet that 20 years from now our grandchildren will look at images from Strictly with the same horror and disbelief we now reserve for the Black & White Minstrel Show. But granddad, why was the camera right up Debbie McGee's skirt?