Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes on computer translation, a colour-blind society and the correct use of a hankie

SUSAN Calman was finally voted off Strictly and, overwhelmed with emotion, sobbed like a child. Her partner Kevin Clifton, neat as ninepence in nautical blazer with a handkerchief in his top pocket, comforted her. The tears flowed, but that handkerchief stayed rigidly at attention. A whole generation of gentlemen must have been thinking the same: “Look, sonny, there is no earthly point in carrying a clean hankie if you are not going to offer it to a lady in tears. That’s what it’s for.”

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Meghan Markle

AM I hopelessly out of touch, or am I right in thinking that the vast majority of the Great British Public don’t give a flying fig about Meghan Markle being mixed-race? We have surely moved on. We may not yet be the ultimate colour-blind society but we are getting there. So what possible motive lies behind an outburst such as this, from the Guardian, that greeted Monday’s engagement announcement: “From Victoria and Abdul to Harry and Meghan Markle, our society is still obsessed with ‘purity’ and is shocked that a royal could marry a person of colour.” I’m not sure what the Guardian means by ‘our society’ or ‘purity’ but it’s not the society I recognise and it’s not the society where most Brits live, or would wish to live.

ONE figure must be stamped indelibly in the mind of shadow chancellor John McDonnell. It is the figure of the total cost of repaying the loans he believes are necessary to regenerate the UK economy. Yet when he is asked by the BBC’s Mishal Husain to reveal this figure, he goes all stroppy and petulant and snaps about ‘trite journalism’. When McDonnell refuses to answer, we can only wonder why. Does he know the figure but doesn’t want the public to know (in which case he’s not much of a democrat)? Or has he forgotten the figure (in which case his memory may be an issue)?

THE abiding puzzle, and the question that some bright hack might put to the shadow chancellor is this: “Mr McDonnell, if you’re such a great economist, why did your own Labour Party leave you on the backbenches for 20 years rather than enlist your dazzling talents?” Maybe that’s trite journalism too. Especially if by ‘trite’ you mean ‘tricky’.

IN the excellent drama series Love, Lies & Records (BBC1) officials suspect a bogus marriage. So they get rid of the shifty interviewer and speak directly to the ‘bride’ using a translation app on a smartphone. This is not science fiction. With very little fanfare, the age-old dream of instant, universal communication has arrived. And while today’s apps are clunky, they are only the first generation. How long before we can buy little badges programmed to translate all the world’s languages? Who then needs to learn any foreign tongue? What becomes of thousands of language teachers?

INCIDENTALLY, don’t assume that universal communication will bring universal harmony. The bitter lesson of the internet is that 21st century technology is perfect for spreading mediaeval barbarism. As somebody once observed, if lions spoke English we still wouldn’t understand them.