Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes: A funeral worthy of a general

BIDDING a comrade farewell, mixing up floral terms and the Corbyn view of terrorism.

Published
Bryan Johnson

NEWS reaches me of a gardening enthusiast afflicted with an alarming malapropism who confuses floral names with diseases. At a recent trip to a National Trust house he said the hysteria was magnificent and the chlamydia in full bloom.

A FRIEND has done his bit for the nation's lungs by trading his old diesel for a petrol-powered car. He says the fastest thing about it is the fuel gauge.

IN the middle of a heatwave, a solemn duty. You may have seen reports of Bryan Johnson's funeral on TV news. He was the Second World War veteran who died alone and with no family at 95 and faced the prospect of a municipal funeral. The local health trust and his old regiments got together and gave him a splendid send-off. For an hour or so on a blazing hot day it was time to get out of T-shirt and shorts and to get suited and booted and put on our regimental ties and medals. In the cool parish church we sang Jerusalem and I Vow to Thee, My Country. Bryan's flag-draped coffin was lowered into the Warwickshire earth to the Last Post. It was a funeral worthy of a general.

BRYAN, like so many of his generation, rarely spoke about the war. But once, standing together above the Normandy invasion beaches, he told me of the split-second in July 1944 that transformed his life. He and his co-driver Aubrey were preparing to take their tank into battle. Bryan was adjusting his seat when suddenly it gave way. As he dropped into the tank, the bullet that would otherwise have killed him killed Aubrey instead: “His brains were all over the place,” he recalled. “It is the only time I have ever administered morphine to a man as he was dying.” As we stood on the cliff top, Bryan spoke of the random unfairness of it all. In one instant Aubrey died but Bryan got another 73 years. Bryan Walker Johnson BEM, 1921-2017.

ON the day that Jeremy Corbyn was linking the Manchester bombing with UK foreign policy, Islamist terrorists in Egypt slaughtered 25 Coptic Christians on a bus. I wonder what aspect of Coptic Christian foreign policy so angers the Islamic State. Or maybe the Christians were being deliberately provocative. Apparently they were on their way to pray at a monastery. So they have only themselves to blame. Right, Jez?

A READER tells me she and her husband turned back after 40 miles on their holiday trip to North Wales because he had left his coat at home, and the cost of petrol was less than the cost of a new coat. Does anybody buy new coats these days? Are there no charity shops in Wales?

TOO proud for charity shops? I was in one the other day perusing the vinyl discs. I ended up buying a virtually new summer jacket for £6.99. Online, I discovered it retailed at £375. Pride is fine but we all have our price.

AT last, the 100 per cent accurate weather forecast. A reader listening to a local radio station heard: “It will be wet today, except where it isn't raining."