Andy Richardson: 'Deadly virus should have feared Trump'

It was perhaps no surprise that Donald ‘Superman’ Trump should pose without a mask upon leaving hospital.

President Donald Trump gives thumbs up as he stands on the Blue Room Balcony upon returning to the White House
President Donald Trump gives thumbs up as he stands on the Blue Room Balcony upon returning to the White House

Having received the best medical treatment that money can buy, he told the world not to worry.

Those 200,000 Americans who died, they shouldn’t have been dominated by Covid. They should have been just like him: super tough with his own private hospital and no need to worry about health insurance and all of that junk. Pah. Covid. It wasn’t Trump that needed to fear a deadly virus, it was a deadly virus that should have feared Trump.

Just like Boris Johnson and Brazil’s Jair Bolsanaro, Trump had shown Corona who was boss. But boy oh boy, the idea that he could have avoided the drama by simply wearing a mask… well, that didn’t pop into his walnut brain.

Back in the UK, the Government is spending £10 billion – probably, can anyone keep check of the money they splash up the wall – on an Excel spreadsheet, which is their world beating test and trace programme.

Apparently, Excel costs £130, which leaves loads left over for Boris’s Chumocracy to spend on stuff like MoonShots. Just like Tony the Tiger, that’ll be GRRREAT.

Track and trace is sinking faster than a Matt Hancock smile. The system is failing badly with phones going down and tracers unable to contact 48,000 contacts. Don’t worry, it’ll be fixed by lunchtime, or so they’ll tell us. And Matt Hancock will tell us: “Don’t worry, if it wasn’t for me there wouldn’t be 16,000 test results to lose.” Erm, OK Matt. Time for a lie down.

The problems, in fact, stem from the system’s centralised nature, compounded by the decision to outsource vital functions to the private sector.

Priti Patel’s bullying case is due to be heard soon, a charge that she defends. Meantime, she’s wound up immigration lawyers, who say her rhetoric is putting them at risk.

BoJo has got a new plan. He wants to turn the UK into the Saudi Arabia of wind. He’s got every chance. Boris is full of hot air. By 2030, all of our homes will be powered by air. If it’s true, great. Even Greta Thunberg would approve. But does anyone really still believe a word he says, or is the latest announcement just an opportunity to pose for the cameras with machines that look like lightsabers.

Cue Stanley, walking onto the photo shoot dressed as Darth Vader – not wearing a mask, obviously – telling Boris: “I am your father.”

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