Shropshire Star

What it's like to be a stay at home dad: It’s great being daddy daycare

For John Hibbs being a stay at home dad is 'one of the greatest gifts' he can give his two daughters.

Published
Me and my girl – John with Xanthe

"I don’t babysit; I am their dad and being able to share and inform their experiences every single day makes me very happy," says the 39-year-old.

He made the decision to give up his job as an IT systems analyst in the energy industry when his now four-year-old daughter Xanthe was a baby.

"An opportunity arose for me to be able to take a break from my career and my wife Kate has a career that she is keen to pursue and develop in education so for us, me staying at home was the best option.

"I knew that I did not want to be doing the same job in 10 years time and this was a way for me to be able to take the lead on being able to look after our then baby.

"Neither of us wanted to have to use childcare,no parent really does I suspect, and we were fortunate enough not to have to so I took the plunge and became a stay at home dad when my wife returned to work," explains John, who shares his experiences his blog - View From a Daddy

Now he spends his days with Xanthe and her 14-month-old sister Constance at their family home in Hednesford meaning there is never a dull moment.

"Now we are a family of four, life is little more hectic. My wife leaves the house before 7am so we are generally all up around 5.45am. We try to keep the little ones asleep but generally once one is up, we are all up.

"We aim to eat breakfast together at the table before my wife leaves but this can depend on the day of the week.

"When, we are down to three, we will start the ‘getting ready’ process - getting nursery uniform on, deciding which hair clips to put in.

"The 14-month-old is dressed next -she’s far easier if not a little wrigglier. Then we are out of the house for 8.20am for the short walk to nursery school. The little lady will usually go on her scooter around to the school gates waving at and greeting the lollipop lady on the way.

"Then it's back home for some fun and games with the littlest one. Some days will be singing club at the local library other days we go to Baby Discovery class or Tumble Tots.

"After nursery, we get back for lunch. We dine together and discuss our morning and then pack away ready for the afternoon. Mondays is swimming for the eldest and Wednesdays is gymnastics so we have a pretty swift turn around.

"Other days are less manic and so afternoons can be spent doing homework, playing in the local park, learning to ride a bike, role playing in the mini-kitchen or playing shops, painting, jigsaws, reading - you name it - we are generally doing it at some point. I don’t intend for it to sound like a smooth process.

"With one of four years and one of 14-months, there is very little that runs smoothly and finding activities that occupy the very inquisitive youngest is a challenge in itself.

"I start to prepare dinner mid afternoon so we can all sit down to eat. The slow cooker is a friend of mine. It’s bath time by 6pm and story time and on the journey towards sleep by 7pm.

"Then my night-shift starts - washing, drying, ironing, and managing my web-design business," he tells us.

Being a stay at home dad comes with many rewards for John. "Watching the girls grow, learn and enjoy life at our pace is the most enjoyable part of this role.

"When we are together; whatever we are doing whether its having lunch, reading books or playing – being together and learning together is the most enjoyable part.

"I take lots of pictures so that I can capture everything and to be able to share it with my wife," he tells us.

But, as every parent will probably agree, the most difficult aspect of the role is juggling everything that needs to be done in a day. But John says he has learnt to take it all in his stride.

"I realised quite soon into this role that if the ironing doesn’t get done, the world won’t end. We have never run out of clothes. So I generally take a deep breath and get on with it. The other challenge comes in making sure that I am addressing both girls’ needs.

"The age gap means that they can want very different things but I’m learning to adapt and differentiate different activities to entertain and engage both. It’s important to me that I give both girls my attention but sometimes this can be the biggest challenge," he explains.

So, what qualities and skills are essential for stay at home dads? Patience, resilience and independence, according to John. "I’m not alone and I know that but it can be a lonely job especially when there aren’t other dads at clubs or baby groups so independence is important.

"There is nothing more testing that getting a child to do something they don’t want to but you know will benefit them in the long run whether it’s cleaning their teeth or consuming the vitamin chewy. There are barriers and blockers even the savviest of dads hadn’t prepared for so resilience is key and in turn patience. Normal working lives have a pace that require things instantly.

"When you are four and one things take that little bit longer to do so learning to have patience has been key for me. Outside of dadding, I’m not overly patient!," he tells us.

When asked if he thought there were any misconceptions about stay at home dads, he replied: "Maybe – probably the older generation who aren’t accustomed to dads staying at home.

"Most of my pals are envious of my days. I don’t tend to worry about what other people think – it’s our life and it works for us."

John started his blog as a way of recording the family's experiences but says it can also help other fathers. "I’ve always used social media and so this was just another form of communication for me.

"I started to share our journey as a way of recording for my youngest our time together as something for her to look back on.

"It’s a great platform to communicate with others and for other dads to feel okay about the malarkey that happens," he adds.

*Read John's blog at www.viewfromadaddy.co.uk