Patrick Kielty: 'I hope our baby looks like the wife!'

Patrick Kielty paints a funny picture when he gives us an insight into his life in Beverly Hills. Well, what other picture could he paint?

Patrick Kielty: 'I hope our baby looks like the wife!'

Just last month he walked the red carpet at the Emmy Awards with his pregnant wife of three years – West Bromwich TV star Cat Deeley – laughing all the way.

The 44-year-old brushed shoulders with the Tinseltown elite, but California dreaming is still weird for the down-to-earth County Down comedian.

"You see all of these people on the telly, and they're properly, properly famous!" Patrick laughs when we hook up for a natter. "The brilliant thing is they know my missus but they don't know me. So they talk to Cat and I just drift into the background with my mental notepad, taking all the material down and storing it up for later on."

Harvesting Hollywood tales has formed part of the preparation for Patrick's new UK tour, which comes to the Birmingham Glee Club next Sunday. Cat is enjoying great success across the pond, and Patrick is quite enjoying the nonsense that comes with it.

"One of the things I wanted to write about was how my life has changed. You get to that point where you realise that you're happy, and you're not really sure how you got there or how long it's going to last. When you then start talking to people about what really matters in life, they've got different attitudes to it in LA.

Stage presence – performing at Live at the Apollo

"Over here, we go to the pub, have a pint and discuss our lives. Over in Hollywood they spend hundreds of dollars on a stranger's sofa talking about their problems! And there's stuff that happens over there that they think is every day life – and I'm there thinking 'well that's really funny, I'm going to write that down'! But you can't tell anyone over there, you can't say to someone 'oh this is really funny', because they'll be offended!

"You get used to it because you're living there – where we live is right up in the hills and we're not right in the middle of all that glitz and glamour. Our house is out on its own, so you wake up and you're overlooking the canyon and it's all very chilled out. And then you drive down the hill to one of these flashy awards and you realise where you are.

"One minute I'm Skyping my brother about his new car, and then you drive down the hill and find you're standing behind Kevin Spacey on the red carpet at an awards do.

"I think that whenever you're a writer you have to be a bit of a social spy. If I'm in Ireland, people know me and so I can't do my secret spy work. But when I'm back and forward to LA on planes and in airports, they don't give a monkey's or know who the hell I am! So I can just sit and listen into people's conversations! People think I'm texting but really I'm writing it down in my phone!"

Life in La-La Land is no hardship for Patrick, who talks about his wife with such affection that we can't help but smile. The couple met when they hosted Fame Academy together in 2002, and he tells us how the pair value their relationship above all else.

"It's one of those things that when Cat and I got together, I was over here and she was over in America. We'd worked together in the past and knew how to manage our time. The main decision whenever we got together and got married was that this would come first. We're lucky that we can do that.

Chemistry – the couple met on Fame Academy

"I meet a lot of people on planes and going through airports that are away from their loved ones all the time because they've got no choice. They're in a situation where they can't change it. They can't do what I do or she does when we talk to our managers and change things around. We feel lucky, but unless you make these things your priority, it just doesn't work.

"The way we work it is that, wherever there's a wedding picture, that's home. We have family pictures up in three different houses. We're lucky because Cat's brother is in London and so her mum and dad come down a lot to look after her nephew and nieces. So whenever we're in London, we've got all that family there. And whenever we're in Ireland, we have all of my family there.

"And then whenever we're in LA, we wake up and look out on Beverly Hills, so that's the flashy part of our life. But the brilliant thing about that is since we got married there seems to be a lot more family who want to come and visit. Funny isn't it?"

We felt this was a good time to broach the subject of our own parentage – heck, we could do with a holiday too.

"Hang on, are you related to my Mrs?!" asks Patrick when we tell him that we're also from the West Bromwich Deeley family. When we tell him we're pretty sure we share a great-grandparent somewhere along the line, he excitedly lists off names of his in-laws, to see where the connection might be.

"I'm going to have to try and find this out now," he says, taking down Grandad Deeley's name in his phone. We need to meet up when he comes to the region on tour, he says, and he'll let us know his findings. "It feels much more relaxed than a normal tour preparation, even though I'm flying around and doing loads of different things," he says. "Normally when you're at this stage, you don't really know how the show is going to be and how it will work. But I've done some shows and warm-ups in Ireland earlier this year, and a sold-out Edinburgh show with it. So it's at that point now where this tour has been in my head for so long, and I'm just so ready to go.

"You think to yourself I'll write a show and stick the tickets on sale, and that all of this happens in a matter of months. But then you have to book venues months in advance. And because I'm flying back and forth, I have to try and find dates that suit me as Cat's show is on over the summer so I couldn't do it then as she was working over in America. It's all really great stuff but it just takes much longer than you think."

We wonder where Patrick is hoping to raise his baby – due early next year – when it arrives.

"I have no idea where we'll settle when the baby comes," he says in slightly concerned tones. "You know what's brilliant about this chat? You're asking me questions that now I have to go and think about! I hadn't thought about it. You're right!"

We're taking our new family connection very seriously. And family is important to Patrick. He's looking to both Cat's and his own father – who was killed by Ulster Loyalists in 1988 – for parenting tips.

"We're going to be over in LA for Christmas with Cat's mum and dad, as we have the baby on the way.

"Whenever there's a baby coming, you have that thing where you have to pretend you're responsible. Now when I look at my own dad and other dads out there, I imagine that for the first bit you just pretend you know what you're doing. Just fake it 'til you make it.

"There's definitely an element of that, whenever the baby comes along you suddenly realise there's someone looking to you for instruction and guidance. So there's definitely a bit of added 'oh I have to pretend to be a grown-up now'."

Over the years the comedian – who rose to fame in 1995 after appearing on Comic Relief's St Patrick's Day Stand Up Special alongside comic heavy-weights Ben Elton and Jo Brand – has cracked some controversial jokes. His fearless, satirical humour has previously landed him in hot water, and he doesn't want his own child to see any of it.

"If my child came to see any of my shows I would be horrified. That's why I don't Google myself. There's stuff that if I googled myself I would be horrified. There's always that weird thing a kid can go back and do research on their mum and dad. I'm now thinking suddenly that this child is going to have a better stand-up routine than I've got!"

Patrick with the Olympic flame. Pic: Liam McBurney/PA Wire

His excitement to become a father is obvious. "As long as it looks like the wife, sounds like the wife and has the brains of the wife, then I'm happy. I want it to have a West Brom accent! Basically, if the child can just be like Cat then I'll be happy. The key to life is to find a woman that's out of your league, and then convince her that she isn't."

We feel we've got to know each other well enough to suggest a Beverly Hills visit: "Auntie Kirsty could be a godparent!" jokes Patrick. "As long as it gets your West Brom accent. The question is though, what kind of gifts are you thinking of buying us?"

We suggest a West Brom kit, little baggy shorts and all. "The Baggies! This is the thing Cat supports West Brom but her dad supports the Wolves. Her dad goes to Molineux but her Uncle Pete follows West Brom. So I'm assuming I should be supporting West Brom – I definitely shouldn't get involved in the Wolves? This is good I'm now making progress!"

We start pricing up flights. The future is suddenly looking brighter for us, but for Patrick, it's a chance to harvest even more material.

"Whenever I get this tour out of the way, the baby comes and suddenly the new tour writes itself," he says, before bidding us goodbye. "Thanks Auntie Kirsty, see you in Beverly Hills!"

We'll pack our bags then.

By Kirsty Bosley

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