A Shropshire mother shares the heartbreaking story of her quest for closure regarding her son, who was stillborn nearly fifty years ago.

It’s almost half a century since Carol Boulder was given the devastating news that her baby boy was stillborn.

But the grief is there every day, and made all the more intense because Carol was never given a chance to say goodbye. She never even saw her only son.

Fifty years ago the need to have that final intimate moment of farewell was not as recognised as it is today.

For those mothers who miscarried or lost their babies at birth it was the done thing to encourage them to almost pretend the pregnancy hadn’t happened. They were encouraged to just get on with life, with nothing more to be said.

There was no avenue of support or means to talk about it.

But that legacy of what was essentially ignorance rather than cruelty is all too evident today. No more so than in the heartbreak etched in Carol’s face when she talks about her beloved Harry.

Only now has she found the courage to seek some peace by finding out what happened to her little boy.

Because Carol, from Uffington near Shrewsbury, doesn’t know — she has no records and was never told where her child was buried or what happened to him after that fateful day at the former workhouse in Cross Houses in 1966

With support from her daughters, she has launched an appeal for anyone who might have any information to come forward.

At the Shropshire Archive she has been able to ascertain his date of birth in the January of that year, and that he weighed more than 3lb.

Carol maintains even those small nuggets of information have brought her some comfort.

“I did not know anything because I was so very ill at the time,” says Carol. “I didn’t even at that stage know if he was a fully formed baby, but I feel knowing the weight is some comfort.”

Carol has a special reason for trying to track down even more information. Her husband Ray has passed away and is buried at Wroxeter, and she would dearly love to reunite father and son.

“I was never given the chance to grieve for Harry, never mind consider what might be appropriate in terms of a final resting place. I would find a great deal of peace if I could find out where he is and bury him with his father.

“Then I could pay my respects to them both there and I could visit them both there.

“My daughters are wonderful and they have been a blessing in my life but you always feel something is missing. He was my first baby and I want to know that we did right by him.

“I know my daughters also want to find out more. He was their brother and I think they would also like to know what has happened it him.

“After I left hospital it took me about two years to recover from the experience. That was a constant time of both physical and emotional pain, but there was no help or support.”

It’s not bitterness that Carol feels about her experience, but a sadness that so many women will have had to endure a similar tragedy without the help there is today.

“I do think it is such a positive move that there is so much more understanding now for women who have to go through something like this,” she says.

“To know that women today would be encouraged to hold their child, to take their time saying goodbye and to keep precious mementoes such as footprints and items of their clothing and possibly even a lock of their hair is so much better.

Hold something

“It is only right that counselling and other support services should be available and SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Deaths Society) is a wonderful organisation.

“I don’t have anything to remind me of my son and that is so very difficult, because sometimes you would just like to hold something and be able to give yourself a few minutes to remember him. I don’t even know what he looked like.”

Now Carol is hoping that somebody in the county may be able to help in her poignant search to piece together this jigsaw.

“I would dearly love to hear from anyone who might know anything more about what happened at the Cross Houses workhouse back then. It could be a member of staff or even another mother who was there at the same time as me. They may have some idea of what happened with the babies who were lost too soon.

“The pain never really goes away, and I don’t expect it to even if I find out where Harry is. But I think it will help me to finally come to terms with it.”

By Tracey O’Sullivan

• If you have any information which could help Carol, e-mail Tracey O’Sullivan or call the features desk on 01952 242424.