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HIGNFY Telford roundabout joke’s ‘ring of truth’
Friday 10th December 2010, 11:45AM GMT.
Ian Hislop and Paul Merton
Millions of TV viewers heard how rings left on a blueprint by a dirty coffee cup were supposedly mistaken by planners in Telford for proposed roundabouts.
Watch the Have I Got News For You clip – click here
The mark was said to have led to the myriad of islands being built, even though they had never featured in the architects’ minds.
The alleged stain on Telford’s character was aired last night on hit satirical panel show Have I Got News For You. It left the audience reeling with laughter.
It came to light as an item in the featured guest publication, Roundabout Review, but was today declared an urban myth by the newsletter’s author.
That did not stop further scorn being poured on the town when guest host Miranda Hart asked: “Telford’s roundabouts created what?” And comedian Greg Davies offered: “A vortex that sucked in anything picturesque and all sense of hope.”
Miss Hart rubbed salt into the wound, saying: “Someone also spilt their tea which is why Telford has an artificial lake. And thanks to all the smokers it has 18 crematoriums.”
The coffee cup story was today dismissed as an urban myth by the man behind Roundabout Review.
Kevin Beresford, president of the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society, said: “It featured in our summer newsletter and had been put forward by one of our members.”
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Hello out there,
it was never an urban myth, it was a joke that i first heard back in the eighties.
it shows that we understand that there are a lot of round abouts in telford
i don’t think we need an explaination from Kevin who seems to have been sucked into believing this was an urban myth.
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To be fair this is probababy true, the other thing you could say is that they were put there to confuse the chav’s ….
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And how the Shropshire Star loves to revel in any criticism of its home town…
Pathetic.
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Darren,
Given your comment I assume you’re not from Telford and consider yourself to come from some ‘better’ part of the county.
So if you’re so much better than those of us who live in Telford, and generally appreciate the place and the opportunities it’s given us over the years, I wonder, why did you feel the need to add an entirely spurious apostrophe to the plural of chav?
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As some one who was raised in Telford but having spent a couple of years living in other, better parts of the country, I can say that this town is a hell hole. The countless, pointless roundabouts are but a speck amongst the towns problems and I find it difficult to believe there are people who are willing to defend the town against all criticism.
Outside of Ironbridge/Coalbrookdale/Jackfield, there is little to recommend in the town. Amenities are threadbare, shopping is lacking and overall the town exudes a level of despair only glimpsed at in the paintings of Hieronymous Bosch.
Face it, this town hates every single one of its inhabitants, so it begs the question as to why people like yourself are so quick to defend it against criticism.
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it has improved some what since you left. Coincidence i think not..
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Have to ask, if you dislike it so much why are you still here?
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Lucy,
I can only assume you were raised in a particularly dodgy bit of Telford, or perhaps were bullied at school?
As for ‘The countless, pointless roundabouts’?
Well, I suspect they could be counted (but you might have to take your shoes and socks off to help you with that – if you’re from some parts of the older towns around the outer edges of Telford you could get all the way up to 24 like that!) and as for them being pointless, they’re a pretty effective means of aiding traffic flow between intersecting roads (until you spoil them by adding traffic lights). Perhaps you don’t drive and don’t understand their usage?
Admittedly, Telford lacks the ‘olde worlde’ charm of places like Shrewsbury, but it also lacks the constant traffic jams through its Town Centre.
Like many people it’s given me a good living over many years, a good standard of housing, relatively low crime (despite the sensationalist nonsense the Star prints at times) an easy journey to work, easy access to the Shropshire countryside and to the West Midlands conurbation alike – what’s not to like?
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Myth.. this is a humorous telvision programme – if you take the ‘facts’ as humorously played out then you probably will end up the subject of suchlike. Anyway – its wrong, they tore a page out of the Milton Keynes roadmap, lost the rest so created the whole place by re-using that page over and over again.
Oh and to fool people into thinking that all these islands might one day actually have somthing useful put between then ;)
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Except that Telford is older than Milton Keynes so is unlikely to have been inspired by it.
If it was up to me there would be few roundabouts give me a traditional crossroad with traffic lights any day, much easier to cross as a pedestrian and a more efficient use of land.
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Older, yes, as Dawley. MK was started in 67 and Dawley New town renamed Telford in 68.
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Yes but the plans for Dawley new town (1965) were largely just extended to cover Wellington and Oakengates. Instead of a ‘U’ shaped main road system with a motorway across the north of the town we got an’0′ shaped one with a motorway through the middle. Milton Keynes’ plan was produced in 1969 and adopted in 1970. So Telford can’t have been inspired by MK even though it is pretty clear that both share some of the same principles.
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No wonder Telford roads are like they are with so many roundabouts. Dont think much of our planners.
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I thought this was really funny. Every time I go back to Telford I get lost as more roundabouts seem to pop up in the middle of a perfectly straight road.
I grew up in Telford in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s and watched it turn from a group of towns and villages with their own distinctive personalities to a failed government project that gave birth to the “chav” culture…….So sad!
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‘A failed Government project’
How so? Telford has contributed far more to Shropshire’s eceonomy than any other town in the county in recent decades. I think you have the rose-tinted spectacles firmly welded to your head when looking back at your childhood – many of these groups of towns and villages were already in terminal decline long before the new town came along.
Telford didn’t give birth to the ‘chav’ culture – there are ‘chavs’ all over the country (including Shrewsbury!). They’re a product of the huge growth in the ‘underclass’ back in the 80s.
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So. Peter , just how long have you lived in this area that is now called Telford?
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For about 25 years – I moved here as an adult to work, and have been in full employment here ever since – reason enough on its own to be grateful to the place. There would never have been the sort of growth in employment we saw here in the 80s without the new town and the high-tech jobs that came here.
I did visit the area on a number of occasions before significant development of the town, and found it to be a pretty depressing place to be honest.
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Nowhere near long enough then, to know whether the area was in decline before Telford was being built, in the late sixties, some forty years ago.
Don’t believe the Telford Development Corporation propaganda…it was allmade up.
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Eeeeee, when Roadrunner were a lad all this was mining slag..
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Another one who’s favourite read is the TDC guidebook to Telford.
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Thinking about all these roundabouts has me going round in ever decreasing circles
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Dont forget all the traffic lights and speed calming measure that have also appeared over the years.
Oh and not everyone from Telford is a chav!
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No, not everyone. Just those who were born here ;-)
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I am not a chav thank you very much.
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I was born in Telford and I am most certainly not a chav, thank you very much!
Yes, Telford isnt the best place to live but neither is it the worst.
And as for the roads, our planners can’t be doing that bad a job, seeing as we do not have much trouble with traffic congestion in the area, apart from at christmas, whereas every time I travel to the centre of any other town or city the traffic is ridiculous.
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I live in Telford and Greg Davies’ joke cracked me up for three reasons:
1. It’s true!
2. His delivery was superb.
3. He’s from Wem, so is probably quite familiar with Telford and speaks from first hand experience.
I had the pleasure of seeing Mr Davies live at The Glee Club in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago. He’s one of the funniest stand up comedians I’ve seen for ages.
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“If it was up to me there would be few roundabouts give me a traditional crossroad with traffic lights any day, much easier to cross as a pedestrian and a more efficient use of land.”
Traffic lights cost a fortune to maintain and cause needless congestion (and more accidents, just look at the disaster that is now Lawley).
I’ve never had a problem crossing at the smaller roundabouts and there are usually light controlled crossings not far from the bigger ones anyway.
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To me the funniest thing about this whole article is that there is actually a publication called ’roundabout review’ and the editor publkished a book called ’roundabouts of great britain’ (it takes all sorts!)
This is the first ever book devoted to the popular hobby of roundabout spotting. A self-confessed traffic-island fanatic, author Kevin Beresford has travelled the length and breadth of the country to record the very best of the species, which range in scope from humble painted minis to magnificent landscaped beauties. Some feature works of art or are wildlife havens, others are sources of local history or simply have that certain something that sets them apart. Featuring over 80 of his favourites in glorious full-colour, he offers advice on the practical side of the pastime, with an exposition of the traffic-island’s colourful history, following its French and American roots through to the first British roundabout in Letchworth and up to the present day.
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It’s obviously a myth. Nobody would drink that many cups of coffee! I think someone at the council bought a job lot of curved curbs by mistakes so had to find something to do with them. Seriously though the reason for so many roundabouts is that Telford was designed at the height of the car boom when fuel was very cheap and the car thought to be the sole answer to all our needs. Had it been designed 10 or 15 years later after the oil crisis it probably would have looked very different. Because the planners had a blank sheet and not many people already living in the area at the time they could endulge their wildest fantasies without months of plannig enquiries and appeals. I’m not too critical of these planners because it was something that had never been tried before and was an experiment. However the fact that in the 21st century this plague of pointless roundabouts its continuing to destroy a beautiful county is inexcusable. I have seen roundabouts in Telford with only two exits, the one you came in on and the one you take to carry on the road. Whats the idea behind that? We live in the most beautiful parts of England yet we insist in concreting most of it over for no good reason.
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“I have seen roundabouts in Telford with only two exits, the one you came in on and the one you take to carry on the road. Whats the idea behind that?”
Because further development is planned in the area, and the roundabout is put in when the road is built to avoid unnecessary disruption to traffic at a later date.
Don’t knock it – it’s a rare example of joined up thinking!
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Shrewsbury golfers will have to get used to our roundabouts soon enough when their municiple golf course has been sold off to developers and they have to drive their tractors down the M54 to Horsehay..
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No way, it will take a lot more than that to make any of us willingly travel to Telford. Besides, if the golf course goes we’ve still got plenty of green space left. Just Google the word “grass” if anyone in Telford would like to know what a green space looks like.
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I bet they won’t be building quaint little tudor cottages on your golf course either..
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He’s trolling. Telford has got a lot of green space, probalby no more than 10mins walk from anywhere in Telford – despite it being built for cars only. In Shrewsbury town – be honest, is quite a walk to a green space (unless you count the river).
Try looking at Telford on mapping websites to see what I mean.
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there are more islands in telford than the carribian
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“Seriously though the reason for so many roundabouts is that Telford was designed at the height of the car boom when fuel was very cheap and the car thought to be the sole answer to all our needs. Had it been designed 10 or 15 years later after the oil crisis it probably would have looked very different. Because the planners had a blank sheet and not many people already living in the area at the time they could endulge their wildest fantasies without months of plannig enquiries and appeals. I’m not too critical of these planners because it was something that had never been tried before and was an experiment.”
Matthew, roundabouts were the seventies answer to traffic lights and as an alternative they work very well (until you put lights on them that is).
Back in the eighties, TDC or Wrekin council (can’t remember which) claimed that you could get from one end of Telford to the other in ten minutes, during peak time and it was true, back then. Try getting across Telford in ten mins during the daytime quiet time now and you wouldn’t do it.
There are too many pointless, small roundabouts in Telford now, that is true but there are far more pointless traffic lights which are causing major traffic flow problems.
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I think Darrens half-witted attempt at a joke about Telford is due to jealousy.
I reckon he must live in a dull middle class part of Shropshire where nothing ever happens,so he snipes at more newsworthy places.
I also think he only used the word “chavs” because he has only reached letter C in the dictionary!
Telford born and bred.
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Well said!
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Telford used to be a pleasure to drive around. The islands kept the traffic moving and you could do any journey within Telford inside 15 minutes.But now our planners have decided that putting traffic lights on them, is somehow safer, the same planners who think that all accidents are caused by speeding, and presumably the same planners who have decided that all new build houses should have no off street parking whatsoever thus resulting in the occupants parking their cars on the roadside, slowing the traffic all the more.
As Shropshire county towns go, Telford is an OK place if a little lacking in culture and leisure facilities, but in driving and parking terms, it knocks spots off Shrewsbury.
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They never mentioned the novel “2 way” roundabouts that are so big they built housing estates on them – Sutton Hill/Woodside/Brookside/Stirchley etc….
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They’re called collector roads. Look it up.
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I know – that was a joke…..
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Ah. Oops!
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Well it was a very old joke, and not that funny…
I don’t know if it’s another urban myth but when I lived on Sutton Hill years ago it was commonly said that the design of the estate, with all access off one roundabout, was so that one police car could monitor all all traffic on or off the estate.
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Sorry about this, but being of the much older generation, what is a Chave? Could it be a Telford Navvy?
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Has not come out right, should be N A V V Y.
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I never quite understand all the fuss about Telford’s roundabouts. Having worked in Birmingham and the Black Country, I can honestly say that driving in Telford is a breeze compared to places like Walsall or Wolverhampton, particularly with the inevitable congestion there.
In my experience, for every ‘outsider’ who hates the roads in Telford, there is someone else that ends up commenting on how easy it is to get around.
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If the Shrewsbury doesn’t have as many then they’re real bad..
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I have lived in Telford for most of my life and find it a nice place to live on the whole.
There are time wasting, scrounging individualsin every area ( Chavs).
The roundabouts may seem to many to be ridiculous but most of Telford are free moving unlike Wolverhampton / Birmingham who have traffic lights galore – These must be costing a fortune to maintain and run.
The only problems I find with roundabouts are the people who use them. Guess where I am going drivers are what really get my goat. They swan around islands in the wrong lanes with no indicators blissfully unaware that there are others to consider. If everyone indicated correctly there would be no queues to get on roundabouts, and less need for traffic lights on the big islands. Well done Telford for saving us money on electricity and maintenance. Most of Telford is nice to drive in and deserves better than what has been written about it.
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I see that they want to put traffic lights near the Asda in Donnington now. How ridiculous, soon every junction and roundabout, in Telford, will be covered in needless traffic lights, we need to get together to fight the lights and if anything is needed at this junction, a mini island would be better, before the Telford “snarlup” gets any worse.
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“I never quite understand all the fuss about Telford’s roundabouts. Having worked in Birmingham and the Black Country, I can honestly say that driving in Telford is a breeze compared to places like Walsall or Wolverhampton, particularly with the inevitable congestion there.”
I worked around those areas in the early eighties and yes, they were far worse than Telford to get around, back then and they are much worse now, than they were then but Telford is catching them up with traffic lights showing up everywhere. Could it be that roa dplanners from these areas are now plying their “trade” here?
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