Rating *** Dave Morris definitely got the feeling that something was missing during dinner . . .

Kath and I found ourselves dining out on a Saturday evening with Fred Karno’s Army*.

For example during what proved to be a memorable – for all the wrong reasons – visit to The Hand Hotel at Chirk, the fire alarm went off three times and at one point I made an unsuccessful attempt to track down a steak knife.

The evening didn’t get off to the best of starts.

When we arrived there was no ‘front of house’ to greet customers, no welcome. There was an amiable young man busy serving behind the bar and eventually he found time to ask how he could help. I explained that we hadn’t booked but, if possible, would like a table for two.

“No problem,” was the reply. “And would we like any drinks?”

Kath to barman: “I would like a glass of dry white wine. What do you have?”

Barman: “Chardonnay.”

Kath: “And?”

Barman: “Chardonnay.”

Kath: “Chardonnay it is then.”

I was far luckier, having spied within moments of entering the hotel, a beer produced by the excellent Stonehouse Brewery at Oswestry.

Drinks were brought to us and we quickly ordered food from a fairly limited menu.

After a short time we were shown into a small dining room – not the larger Regency restaurant which appeared to be booked for a family celebration – carrying our drinks and coats.

The modern dining room felt cold, not so much the decor but the actual temperature. But no worries, a member of staff brought in an electric fan heater – and we hadn’t even asked!

Kath, who doesn’t eat meat, had chosen for her starter Ceiriog oak smoked rainbow trout, served with soused cucumber, lime creme fraiche and granary bloomer bread (£4.95).

There were three smallish slices of fish, and although I didn’t think the presentation was anything special, Kath said it tasted fine.

Inside The Hand Hotel, Chirk

I had chosen button mushrooms and diced local smoked ham, finished with cream and stilton (£4.75).

Diced local smoked ham? Where?

I took the mushrooms out of their pastry basket and searched for the ham, eventually finding a piece about a quarter of the size of my little fingernail. Goodness only knows how many dishes could be prepared from just one slice!

For her main course Kath went for roulade of Ceiriog trout and smoked haddock, served with dill new potatoes, asparagus spears, buttoned carrots and a dry vermouth sauce (£9.95).

Ceiriog trout again, you’re thinking. True, but there were only a couple alternatives open to Kath – fillet of salmon which she often chooses or goat’s cheese and beetroot tart.

Anyway, the food tasted good and she was reasonably happy with her choice.

My main course was a 10oz rib eye steak, medium to well done as I had requested, with meadow mushroom (single), a tomato, onion rings, chunk chips (really lovely) and a Bearnaise sauce (missing).

And, as mentioned earlier, also missing was the steak knife.

I went looking for one but couldn’t find anyone to ask.

Eventually a waiter appeared and I got one after a further wait of at least three or four minutes. I just couldn’t be bothered to mention the sauce and risk another delay but I did request some mustard.

I have to say that overall the meal was fine. The steak was cooked just right and I adored the chips.

The fire alarm by now had gone off for a third time.

Our waiter appeared and said there was nothing to worry about. Thank goodness. But what about the previous two occasions?

And now for dessert.

Kath chose homemade lemon and lime cheesecake, served with fruits of the forest compote and honeycomb ice-cream (£4.50).

Surprise surprise. The compote was missing. When this was pointed out, a portion of what looked like some tinned fruit was brought to the table. Kath wasn’t too impressed with the cheesecake and left most of it.

I chose the selection of Welsh cheeses, with biscuits, celery and grapes (£5.95). No complaints.

Overall I have to say that the food we were served wasn’t too bad at all. It is for that reason I will award three stars.

Also to be fair to The Hand we weren’t charged for our drinks as compensation for the missing Bearnaise sauce, steak knife and fruit compote.

I think Kath summed up the evening when she remarked that there didn’t appear to be anyone in charge.

* For younger readers, Fred Karno’s Army (or Circus) is a phrase used to describe a chaotic group or organisation.

ADDRESS
The Hand Hotel, Church Street, Chirk LL14 5EY
Tel: 01691 773472
Web: www.thehandhotelchirk.co.uk

MENU SAMPLE
STARTERS
Pan seared Blue Tiger prawns (£5.95); smooth chicken liver parfait (£4.95)

MAIN COURSES
Fillet of Shetland salmon (£10.25); medallions of pork fillet (£10.50)

DESSERTS
Sticky toffee pudding (£4.50); exotic fruit salad in brandy snap basket (£3.95)

SERVICE
Friendly

ATMOSPHERE
Very quiet

DISABLED FACILITIES
Fairly easy access to rooms