The title of James McTeigue’s martial arts action adventure succinctly sums up the vicarious thrills of this chopsocky nonsense.

Littered with gems of dialogue like, ‘You disrespect me and I tattoo the ceiling with your brains’, Ninja Assassin is a relentless orgy of slashing and dismemberment, glued together by a flimsy revenge plot that teeters on unintentional hilarity.

The fingerprints of producers Andy and Larry Wachowski, directors of The Matrix trilogy, probably account for the gyroscopic camerawork and occasional use of slow motion.

Certainly, McTeigue doesn’t skimp on the body count or blood, conceiving every variation on a theme of the hero’s sword blade slicing through his opponents.

And just in case you were thinking of munching on a hot dog, the director cuts (with tongue planted in cheek for a change) from a battle in a launderette, which culminates in one assassin in pieces on a spin cycle, to a dollop of tomato ketchup spurting over French fries.

Bon appetit! Gifted ninja Raizo (Rain) turns against his surrogate father Lord Ozunu (Sho Koshugi) and the secret Ozunu fraternity, which trained him in the art of human warfare, after his clan brother Takeshi (Rick Yune) kills his sweetheart Kiriko (Anna Sawai).

Branded a traitor, Raizo is attacked by Takeshi and barely survives with his life after a death-defying fall from a rooftop into a river.

Meanwhile, feisty Europol agent Mika Coretti (Naomie Harris) is hard at work in Berlin, with her boss Ryan Maslow (Ben Miles) on a case, which suggests ninjas are being hired to commit high profile political assassinations.

Having found the evidence she needs to expose the Ozunu, Mika becomes the prime target for Takeshi but she is saved from her grisly fate by Raizo.

Together, they go on the run, determined to bring down the shadowy clan once and for all.

Ninja Assassin doesn’t pretend to be anything other than an excuse for slaughter on a grand scale, slathered in gallons of computer-generated blood.

Rain doesn’t miss an opportunity to flaunt his pecs, establishing his character’s hard man credentials by performing vertical push-ups on a bed of nails.

Alas, he also has the charisma of the plank of wood that holds those nails and there is no spark with Harris’s bland damsel in distress.

Copious flashbacks to the forbidden love affair of young Raizo (Yoon Sungwoong) and Kiriko (Kylie Goldstein) prevent any dramatic momentum.

McTeigue orchestrates the set pieces with verve, including a final showdown that takes place in silhouette with splashes of crimson blood flying onto the walls of a dojo.

While Raizo is a cut above his ninja kin, the film sticks a rusty blade firmly into mediocrity.

• Release Date: Friday 22 January 2010
• Certificate: 18
• Runtime: 98mins

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