• Out to get the Speaker

Some Westminster plotters are out to get Speaker Bercow and, frankly, want him gone. Since it’s a total mystery how the pint-sized Tory (so he says, for now) ever got to replace Gorbals Mick Martin who left under a bit of a nasty cloud and then bingo! found himself in the Lords and ermine, who’s surprised?

The Speaker is supposed to be above pettiness, self promotion and party politics, measure that lot against the performance of wishy-washy Conservative but Labour-leaner diddy Bercow whose wife is now seeking a Labour seat in the Commons. Since he has just spent £45,000 of our money on a wash and brush up for Speaker’s House, just whose interests does little Mr Bercow have at heart?

Remembering Honourable Speakers like wonderful George Thomas from the Welsh Valleys who walked with both kings and crowds but kept the common touch, and Betty Boothroyd whose dignity, strength and sense so enhanced the position, and honestly, you cringe.

• Blame Enid

Enid Blyton was a complex character and very different from the doting mummies to the sunny little mischiefs in her books. But to our generation who read her with relish, she was an inspiration.

Indeed it was winning a hairbrush in an Enid Blyton poetry competition which got me thinking that this writing lark might be for me. Sorry, folks, Enid’s fault.

So for a Blyton fan hearing that the BBC banned her for nearly 30 years because they had her down as a second-rate author is an outrageous slur on our childhood heroine. I interviewed her eldest daughter Gillian Baverstock during the author’s centenary year, a lovely lady who still felt very kindly towards her famous mother (and her famous mother’s books) though evidence suggests that our Enid was not the warm and cuddly mum we might have expected. But a second-rate author? Hang your corporation head, BBC.

• Daft Decisions

Whichever way you look at it, we have some daft decision makers. A young mum was fined £75 for feeding the ducks in a West Midlands park (though the Busy Bossy who nabbed her said her baby could carry on throwing since he was too young to fine).

Another mum is allowed to claim a bumper insurance pay-out because a three-year-old belted her child of the same age with a car jack (acquired from where, pray). The little boy thankfully recovered completely but his family thought they deserved compensation.

Watch out! Before you can say “take that” in toddler speak, every playground scrap will be a money-spinner.

Still on the dotty decision trail, a woman convicted for the brutal manslaughter of a little boy she was child minding was given five years, released after one and has now been handed £4,500 to “persuade” her to go home to Malaysia.

Who did you say is running the asylum?

• Who was responsible?

Two things about the Prime Minister’s promised new year apology to children from the UK shipped to Australia between 1930 and 1970.

The new year? For goodness sake – if you are going to do it despite personally having had nothing to do with the racket, then do it right away. Secondly, how about apologising for some of the things you actually do have control over?

• Alas, poor Brucie…

How cruel. Brucie misses Strictly (you have to know the lingo round here) because of flu, gets good cover from fellow presenter Tess Daly, Claudia Winkleman and Ronnie Corbett, and what do the fans do? Jam the website calling for the 81-year-old not to bother to come back, they liked it better without him. Nasty medicine for the King of Corn!