In this world of over-regulation, with the tangled web of rules we have to live our lives around, there are some things I just don’t understand, writes Emma Suddaby.

And one of them is fireworks.

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that we’ve all seen enough explosions lately, ok, maybe not of the glittery, colourful variety, but surely the appeal of earth-shattering BOOMS and the accompanying, rainbow-hued starfalls are wearing a little thin?

Now with a hot baked potato tucked in my pocket, a warm coat and a gang of starstruck kids in tow, I’m as capable as the next person of enjoying an organised firework display. But I’m predicting that the majority of firework explosions I witness this year will be out on the street, organised (I use the term loosely) by a gang of bored children.

And the bit I don’t understand is when ordinary, decent folk are finding it hard to breathe without breaching some inane law and gaining a criminal record – where do kids manage to come by fireworks at a price they can afford?

The only possible answer is that there are some unscrupulous shopkeepers and irresponsible parents out there.

Take cigarette lighters for example. Ok, I know I’m the irresponsible one for smoking at all but people do need lighters for other things, lighting fires, ovens etc. But in recent years even lighters have suffered the Health & Safety rigmarole. Makers have been forced to alter their design so that the only section of society who remain able to use them are weight-lifters, hod-carriers and rock-climbers (strong fingers!).

It used to be a matter of ‘click and flick’ whereas now it’s like appearing in an episode of The Krypton Factor.

After spending ten minutes finding out how it works, two thumbs are needed, one to hold the gas button down and one to strike the wheel. And I haven’t currently got two available thumbs. So even then, I usually end up asking a stranger for a light.

Now I assume this is all in the interests of child-safety but, please allow me to name the elephant in the room? Surely children shouldn’t have access to lighters in the first place! Whoever decided that making lighters difficult to use would keep children safe, lives in a much simpler world than I do.

And the irony of parents all over the country who will soon be digging out their hazardous lighters in order to light sparklers for the kids, red-hot metal sticks that spit fire and sparks all over them – is obviously lost on the Health & Safety department!

So be careful this Bonfire Night. And when I’m sitting at home trying to prise my pets from the ceiling as BOOMS shake the floor and spent rockets clatter on the roof – I won’t half feel safe for knowing how much harder lighters are to useÉ.