Bringing up children can be a minefield. Rebecca Lawrence asks: How do parents decide when to let their children go out, and where to draw the line?

Karen Lloyd with her children Sara Lloyd Roberts, 18, Hannah Lloyd Roberts, 20, Tom Reynolds, 11, and Sian Reynolds, 8. Picture: Peter Shah

This week a Shropshire town was left in shock after a 16-year-old boy was killed when a cave collapsed on him during a camping trip with friends.

Aiden Brookes died at the Hermitage caves in Bridgnorth, a place where generations of young people have enjoyed camping trips. His friend Jess Wright was injured in the incident, which happened in the early hours of Monday.

But parents cannot protect their children all the time – and stopping a youngster from enjoying his or herself with friends can often have worse consequences than allowing them some freedom.

John Wright, father of 18-year-old Jess from The Hobbins, Bridgnorth, has spoken about the “really good kids” in the group, and how technology has brought them much closer together.

“When I was younger you used to have to walk to a phone box to call your friend. But now they can just text or call and be together within minutes. I think it’s brought young people so much closer together. They can become acquaintances in half-an-hour and friends after that.”

Mr Wright, who has four children ranging in age from 14 to 39, says as a parent he always worries about his offspring.

“Sooner or later you know they will get into a spot of bother, but it’s never intentional and accidents happen.”

He says there really are not enough places for young people to go. Kids will always need places to go and I just let them get on with it because I know they are good people and they will look after each other.

“But something really needs to be done to make sure they have places to go and things to do.”

Parent-of-four Karen Lloyd, from Shrewsbury, says it’s up to parents to decide the boundaries, so both teenagers and their elders are happy with the situation.

She is mother to Hannah, 20, Sara, 18, and has two children Tom, 11 and Sian, eight, yet to embark on their teenage years.

“It’s a minefield,” she says. “My 20-year-old gets quite frustrated as she feels her 18-year-old sister has had more freedom.

“You really are on a learning curve with the first and you do make mistakes. You are trying to learn from them and then it might appear you are more laid back with the second. Then I have an 11 and eight-year-old so I have it to come again, which really cheers you up.

“Their friends have always been very welcome at home, which helps us get to know their friends and who they are hanging around with. They had always been allowed to have a little bit of drink, growing up, with a meal.

“They had a small amount of wine – whether that’s a good thing or not I do not know any longer. I felt if you introduced them to a little bit of alcohol, they would not go out and get drunk.”

Karen says it can be difficult to protect teenagers, because you can know they are going to a party but not exactly who they are bumping into – or if someone suggests something else, you wouldn’t know about it.

“We have had this rule that I know where they are and what time they are due home and if anything is changed, then no matter what time, they let me know.

“There was one occasion when one of my daughters did not text and that was quite traumatic. She just did not think and I panicked and phoned round everyone and did actually get in touch with the police. She was absolutely horrified with me.”

Sara, who is studying accounting at Radbrook College, admits Karen has always been quite good at letting her go to parties.

“She will give us a boundary. If she does not want us to go because it’s particularly late, she will let us go for a few hours rather than just say ‘no’. We let her know we are safe so she is not worried about us. There are times I did not keep to her rules – I went off on a trip I should not have gone on – I was gone for 12 hours and she got rather worried.”

When Sara did get back, she was grounded for two weeks but realised the effect it has on everyone else in the family by creating an atmosphere.

“I think as long as parents know their child is safe and where they are, it should be OK,” she says.

Kerry Price

Shropshire beauty queen Kerry Price, 22, of Belvidere, Shrewsbury, agrees, saying teenagers need to respect their parents.

“I have always known where the line is. I have never crossed it and always respected what my mum said – although you always try and see what you can get away with. It’s just being sensible. It’s difficult because parents can tell teenagers – but it’s whether they choose to listen.

“My younger brother is 13 and is only thinking about football but as he gets older, I’m sure there will be few distractions such as girls and I hope he does not go down that route but makes the most of his time to enjoy life before serious matters come along like moving out, rent and driving.”

Her mum Alison Jones says it’s important to build up trust between parent and child.

“With Kerry growing up, we have always been able to trust each other. Matthew is not one of those kids out after 9pm on the streets. He does a lot of football and his friends live nearby so I always know where he is.

“I think now children are not able to do as much as they used to – it’s partly the media as there are always kids going missing or getting Asbos and I think it’s definitely down to parenting. My husband and I both work but we still put the boundaries down.”

And while teenagers will always be teenagers and try to rebel as they learn how to cope in the adult world, parents cannot smother them and always protect them . . . you have to let teenagers learn for themselves, and just be there when you can.