Ho, ho, ho little thieves. Have I got a surprise for you, writes blogger Andy Richardson

Though we’re a long way from December 25, the season of goodwill has started early at our house.

Charity and altruism are being freely dispensed, along with desireable consumer goods.

The recepients of our largesse are, would you believe it, our local thieves. They come, they take, they… Well, who knows what happens next.

I still think of myself as being a relative newcomer to Shropshire. A blink-and-you’ll-miss-it ten years in the county has whistled past.

During that time, I’ve been a victim of crime no less than four times. A flat has been burgled and cars broken into.

Of course, when I lived in the nation’s capital of crime, London – you know, the place where people stab one another over a kebab – it was a different story. Rented homes north and south of the river seemed immune from those seeking plunder.

On one occasion, after a particularly drunken night in Soho, I even left the door to my flat wide open over night. I’d been too inebriated to close it.

The thieves must have been working the Shire counties that night, they didn’t even venture over the threshold.

Prior to that, I lived in a part of the Black Country with exceptional crime rates.

Again, I seemed to float in a crime-free bubble, my stereos and credit cards were beneath the local gangs.

But during the past decade, it seems I’m a regular fixture on the calender of criminals. Maybe there’s a flipchart with maps and diagrams at the local crime school. Go there, good for a brolly. That address is usually good for a cd.

My folly, of course, if that I gift wrap my easy-to-dispose-of electronics.

When burglars called at an address in Bridgnorth, they found a portable stereo and holdall with a game console and games. They’d been borrowed from a friend the same day. Ouch.

Last night, it was a satnav. New, boxed and left in the boot. Doh!

So I’ve decided to take action. Razor wire, vigilantes, hungry dogs and patrols with tattooed necks will be stationed at the garrison.

Then, when the night prowlers visit next time, it really will be “Ho, Ho, Ho. Have I got a surprise for you!”