How many minders, assistants and generally helpful jobsworths could it possibly take to transport one Hollywood star safely from their luxury hotel to the glitz and glamour of Venice Film Festival?

Click here to see our Atonement film trailer.

Two, perhaps? Four? How about six?
Treble it . . . then keep counting.
My two days on the famous Lido earlier this week not only gave me chance to see the Shropshire-filmed drama Atonement ahead of its world premiere, but also offered a fascinating behind-the-scenes insight into the cosseted world of the celeb.

It’s amazing to see just what goes on behind the scenes to make sure no A-lister ends up stumbling the wrong side of a barrier, pops up looking startled or unkempt, and is briefed and assured at all times.

It starts at the hotel – the favourite haunt for Clooney, Caine and company when in Venice is the uber-swish Cipriani – where the hotel manager (that’s one helper) briefs his assistant (two) to assemble an army of discreet and conscientious staff to pander for the star’s every need. Let’s call it a round half-dozen.

Then, the call comes from the head of publicity at festival HQ to say a press conference is booked for noon.

Not directly to the star, of course, but to their personal assistant, the clipboard-holding busybody whose job is to brief the star about their day’s programme while behind closed doors, then meander suspiciously a few yards in front as they set off on the move to make sure nothing unpleasant is lurking round the next corner.

Which brings us to the journey. Being Venice, with water, water, everywhere, the mode of transport is speedboat.

First, there’s the water taxi boss man, who always seems to be dressed in the unofficial uniform of white slacks, brown leather shoes, and a blue and white striped long sleeve shirt open to the midriff.

He’ll be sporting a deep tan, have bleached shoulder length blonde hair, and a pair of slightly oversized mirror-shades.

He’ll be in constant mobile phone contact with his most reliable, discreet and personable driver to ensure he arrives at the ferry dock 15 minutes earlier than he could ever be needed. Heaven forbid an actor might have to stand and wait for a few seconds.

A third member of the taxi team will be in radio contact along the way to deliver updates about the whereabouts of any paparazzi lenses.

So, the taxi arrives, and the star jumps in alongside aforementioned agent and clipboard. Throw in one more non-specific member of the privately financed law enforcement fraternity to stand in the way of prying lenses, and the job’s a good ‘un.

Then, thoughts turn to arrival. Will the taxi berth be free at the other end? Heaven forbid, some members of the public may be there!

Back on the phone to festival HQ’s head of publicity who sends out a message to get at least three minions on the case and keep the berth clear.

There’s usually another perma-tanned taxi boss there too, plus a couple of festival officials to put up some temporary barriers.

It’s not as if the walk is a mammoth one – probably 100 yards from taxi station to door of press conference hall, but when Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and fellow Atonement stars rolled up for their Q&A session, I counted 14 people solely charged with ushering them to their final destination, where a further seven smartly dressed security staff were on hand to spy on potential troublemakers.

And all for what? A ten-minute appearance at a press conference when the majority of stars will be going out of their way not to say anything interesting, provocative or relevant anyway.

That’s the other side of showbusiness. Lights, cameras . . . and not a great deal of action.
Better off just going to the cinema and seeing what they do best.

And I can recommend Atonement as a top option – not only because of its Shropshire location (Stokesay Court) but because it’s a beautifully filmed, patiently directed and emotionally involving story about a couple whose love affair is wrecked by the ill-informed actions of a precocious young girl.
It will surely get Oscar nominations – you heard it here first – giving the county a chance to shine at the Academy Awards.

Carl Jones is ShropshireStar.com’s Movie Blogger