Anyone who dares venture into our town centres on a Friday or Saturday night will reach the same conclusion: they are nothing but a bunch of animals, writes Rural Affairs Editor Nathan Rous.

Only these ones aren’t downing pints of Stella and running down the road with their trousers round their ankles or sat in a shop doorway rejecting their kebab.

Oh no, these guys really are animals. You see, there is a new wave of immigration where animals are moving en masse from their rural homes to a new life in the urban sprawl.

It’s not quite Sangatte, but the new entrants are certainly many and varied. From nature’s point of view the main attractions of packing up and heading for a new life in the city are a plentiful supply of food, the absence of many natural enemies and plenty of warmth.

They don’t mind the noise or running battles with those dastardly four-wheeled vehicles. Indeed, given the litany of death along our country lanes, many animals would rather take their chances in the high street.

Foxes are as regular a sight as a taxi (more reliable too), hanging around on street corners waiting to tuck into the evening’s discarded fayre. And they are not alone. Kestrels soar high above tower blocks and industrial estates while huge numbers of their feathered friends are taking up residence in bell towers and under railway bridges.

Not only is nature moving to the city, it’s abandoning a countryside which is becoming increasingly uninhabitable.

Agriculture has become industrialised on such a grand scale that there’s little room for the complex eco-structure where everyone lives in harmony. Tighter margins and thinning profits means farmers have to make every foot of their land work like a dog.

With set aside looking to be, erm, set aside, the Pied Piper effect could be even more amplified in the coming years. Perhaps they should open the gates at West Midlands Safari Park and let the animals walk out to speed up the process?

After all, I’ve seen foxes and badgers and kestrels but it would be altogether more eye-opening to watch a tiger clean up the streets after kicking-out time. What’s that? You’re staying in tonight?

Animal rights campaigners say it is cruel to keep bears in a cage, where they pace up and down with the regularity and monotony of an expectant father, but perhaps the ‘keepers are simply preparing them for life in the city? After all, living in a zoo is like staying in a town centre apartment.

It’s compact, you are surrounded by people and food is delivered without the need to enter the kitchen. Put these captives back in the countryside and they have no idea what to do. Like a child in the summer holidays.

But is it because these animals enjoy the lure of the town centre or are we simply expanding our own boundaries to take in their habitat? We have already swallowed up thousands of acres of prime countryside to fulfil our housing requirements and more, much more, is needed.

Maybe there will be some kind of reversal soon. People living a feral existence in the countryside while our animal cousins run the stock exchange.

You never know, in 50 years time you could end up looking at me through the car window as you drive nose-to-tail around Bewdley. No ‘cuddly’ white tigers. No gnarled rhinos. No slobbering camels. Just a cantankerous person ordering pizza, kicking back on a recliner and doing precisely nothing to entertain you.

Sound familiar?