Blog: Tora! Tora! Tora! shouted the fly to the cyclist

Wednesday 20th April 2011, 9:55AM BST.

Blog: Tora! Tora! Tora! shouted the fly to the cyclist

Blog: I’ve a slight squint in my left eye as I type this – and that’s not the only thing in there at the moment.

As the warm weather’s here, and as the cost of petrol has gone through the roof, into the atmosphere and into orbit, I’ve joined thousands of others in using my bike to get to and from work. (The ‘from’ is a bit redundant, there, isn’t it? What else am I going to do – cycle to work and then drive home?)

Anyway, so I’m cycling to work here at Shropshirestar.com Towers (petrol bill so far this week: £0), making me a) permanently tired, b) slightly smug, and c) completely irresistible to small flying insects which attack like wave after wave of tiny kamikaze pilots hell-bent on crashing into my eyes.

I’ve tried sunglasses, but some still manage to sneak through this line of defence, and I think wearing a motorcycle crash helmet might be considered to be overdoing it somewhat. I suppose the other step is to wear massive wraparound shades, like Bono, but looking like Bono is a step I’m not prepared to take.

As a result I’m typing this with the remains of a large fly mouldering away inside my eyelid, and short of whipping out my eyeball so I can clean it, I suppose I’ve just got to suffer it until …well, until it stops being a source of irritation.

And do I have to consider buying a face mask, because if I breathe at the wrong moment a lone fly aerial ace will aim for my mouth like Luke Skywalker speeding towards the Death Star exhaust system. I’ve swallowed a fair few of them recently, and it’s not a pleasant experience. (Although, nutritionally speaking, probably a lot healthier than a Big Mac).

So, if you’re cycling in the summer weather, make sure you protect your eyes and mouth from invaders. And if you see me on my bike, make sure you give me plenty of space. You’ll know it’s me because I’ll be the one in the reflective coat bombing along out of control because I cannot breathe and I’m  clawing away at the flies in my eyes.

Still, at least I’m saving a few quid.


  1. 1
    Nistagmus

    Try a bee-keepers hat*

    *In all seriousness, don’t try a bee-keepers hat.

    Report abuse

  2. 2
    Colin.D.

    How about a piece of that net they use for making fly screens, (there’s a clue there somewhere)? Loosely draped over the head and secured under the chin.
    I wouldn’t get too close to the local Nat West or Barclay’s though.

    Report abuse

  3. 3
    London to Paris 9to12 sept

    The sign of a happy cyclist is a face covered in flies.
    I find regular swigs of water and strong chewing gum lesten the horror

    Report abuse

  4. 4
    Green

    Ride backwards!

    Report abuse



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